Shadow's First Life
by The Nevermore Raven
Summary: The truth about the black fuzzy antihero everyone thinks they know. Witness my life on ARK through my own crimson eyes. I tried to destroy the world because I hate. I hate because of pain my heart felt ever since I survived my harrowing, cruel First Life.
1. New Joys

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter I

_New Joys_

_A.N. The first two chapters are from a former scientist that woked aboard the ARK. Chapter Three will be the earliest events in Shadow's memory. Shadow has a genetic father, also named Shadow, from who he was cloned and genetically enhanced._

* * *

14 August, 1954. Ever since I first noticed that Maria was unhappy, I constantly searched for a reason for her gloom. After I asked Gerald about her, he seemed caught by surprise. He replied that he never noticed her feeling sad. "She was so overjoyed to see me and join the colony. I could never guess she was upset." The man rubbed his chin in thought as his glasses reflected the depths of his mind to the outside world.

"Oh." He paused upon a conclusion. "I am always busy with this project and have only a little time to see her. Not only am I busy, but John is involved in the project on his own. He spends time with her, but..." He trailed off in his thoughts. I sighed and decided to tell him not to worry about it. I regret asking him in the first place...

After a little more examination I found that, as Gerald had wondered, Maria was lonely. Even when I took more time from my life to see her more, and although it helped her, she was still unhappy.

Everything in her soul changed when she first saw Shadow...

_Before Shadow was born, his heart was a burning ember. I knew that he must have been a person, for he had a signature before birth in the first place. Animals -and I know a simple clone of a human is no different- do not have any real energy that they emit before being born._

_The moment Shadow gasped for his first breath of life, his burning ember of a heart blazed with incredible heat. In comparison to most people I have ever known, whether an old life wasting away, or one that is only a moment old, Shadow is easily far more pure than all of them. The blazing inferno of his heart burned so brightly and steadily, not faltering or flickering at all, that it would completely put to shame everyone that felt its heat. Nearly everyone else has a heart that flickers; a heart that appears lifeless compared to Shadow._

_Yet, it is not perfect. In order for one to be human one must fall short of perfection and commit mistakes. The tiny child has his own flaw, but the flaw is absurdly minuscule. Shadow is the closest to perfect any human being will ever be. He clearly has a pure heart._

26 August, 1954. Maria's parents are taking care of Shadow. Shadow has transformed from an ugly infant into a tiny, cute bundle of black fur. He is developing well. He has a calm personality and is easygoing. At least, that is what Maria's parents told me...

12 September, 1954. John and his wife are very busy today. The two of them worried about what to do for Shadow, so I insisted to care for him until they return. My son quickly realized who Shadow is; he told me himself that the tiny boy emits a pleasant feeling of purity. I am holding the baby this instant as I write.

Shadow is a very gentle and loving child. He always enjoys being held and cuddled, but I am not sure if it is because of him as a person or just because of his age. He has beautiful eyes; the crimson rubies that watch me with joy are gentle and soft, yet they burn hot with intense emotions, constantly adjusting as a window into his very feelings.

Shadow started to jabber at me and he placed his tiny hands on his mouth. I guessed correctly that he was hungry and fed him. He clearly must be bright to figure out how to show hunger without crying, and he is only two months old. He is the cutest little thing I have ever seen in my life!

His heart has a very profound resemblance to 'Fuzzy.' Both are modest, both are gentle, both are soft.

At times I consider the effects genetics have over personality, but genes do not have a direct affect on the heart itself. There are three things that determine a person: the person's body, the person's family and experiences, and the person's own heart.

29 September, 1954. Maria is spending an extensive amount of her time with Shadow. She plays with him, cuddles him, tickles him, and showers him with attention. One thing I always look forward to is whenever I see the two together; they are pure, simple innocence. Days of stress and anxiety literally melt away into peace when I see them. It is a simple thing in life that is worth so much.

I talked to Erich about Fuzzy for a while earlier today. Shadow, the adult Shadow, will be visiting the ARK tomorrow. I really like Shadow. He is not selfish. While others are obsessed over their urges and desires, he listens to others around him. Shadow is a good person. Not only is he kind, he also is decent and noble in character. Shadow is my model of excellence.

30 September, 1954. Fuzzy has decided to check the ARK periodically to see his baby twin. I decided to introduce him to my son, who looked forward to meeting him. I asked Gerald about Shadow yesterday after both he and I were rewarded a long weekend.

"Professor, when Shadow is here, will you allow him to meet with Maria? I have the feeling she would enjoy seeing him face to face," I commented as Gerald placed one of his numerous notebooks on an organized shelf.

After considering my suggestion, Gerald grinned as he glanced at me. "She would love to see Shadow's father. What harm could that do?"

Maria first saw Shadow in the living room of her home. Maria was overjoyed to see the mature Shadow. She immediately clung onto him and hugged him, causing the poor guy to jump in surprise. Looking down curiously, Shadow gently picked the girl off her own two feet and smiled.

"Who might this little angel be?" he asked. "I am Maria! I am glad to see you lots!" Maria sang out. Shadow chuckled at her innocent greeting. Maria shyly looked away from the person whose strong arms securely held her. "What is wrong, Maria?" Shadow softly asked. Maria reluctantly looked to him and asked quietly, "Are you daddy of baby? Baby has same name you do, and pretty fur like you, too." Fuzzy nodded. Maria nuzzled her face against his tuft of fur.  
"Shadow, you are so..." Maria's statement trailed off as she felt his fur. Shadow watched the girl, awaiting an answer as the girl savored his warmth. "You are super soft and warm! You cuddly!" Maria squealed. Shadow blushed as he glanced at Maria's parents and grandpa, who were laughing heartily. Shadow placed the girl back on the ground. Maria's mother went to get the baby. The tiny child was shown to Shadow, causing Shadow to smile warmly with pride.

Baby Shadow cooed as his father reached to hold him. As he was being held, the tiny boy started to cry, causing Shadow to frown in fear. Shadow's eyes filled with worry as his own miniature self simply cried louder and louder.

Christina turned to John with an idea in her eyes. "Honey, did you feed Shadow?" John looked at her skeptically, trying to hear her over the crying. "I did. He drank the entire bottle only a few minutes ago," he replied. "Did you remember to pat his back?" Christina arched an eyebrow at her husband. John grinned sheepishly and uttered, "No."

Shadow caught on and started to tap his hand against his own baby, propping the kid against his shoulder. The baby's eyes closed as a gurgling noise resonated in his belly, followed by a faint burp. Shadow laughed at the sight, and I joined him. Soon everyone was laughing, even the baby.

After regaining his breath, the adult placed the child against his chest and gently held him there. The baby giggled and reached a tiny hand up to touch the man's face, the youngster rubbing his dad's cheek lovingly.

Baby Shadow yawned and fell asleep right on the downy pillow of his father's chest. The adult cradled the boy in his arms, holding him softly.

A smile spread across Shadow's face as he hugged the child. That was the perfect moment. I sacrificed two frames of film as I activated the shutter of a camera I was carrying, forever capturing the priceless sight in that moment within a photograph...


	2. Growing Older

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter II

_Growing Older_

* * *

13 April, 1955. Biolizard has lost her feet! Chaos degeneration decided her own two eyes were not enough for it to destroy, so it took her feet away as well. The loss greatly hindered Biolizard, yet she is still mobile.

She can still move herself, but only in a very inefficient and clumsy fashion.

17 February, 1956. Fuzzy engaged his sweetheart a little over a year ago. Erich and I got cabin fever and took a vacation to the Earth. An escape from the colony is a blessing I never take for granted. The statement that people do not know what they have until it is gone must be true. I never took the beauty of Mother Nature for granted, but when a monotonous colony of steel and glass trapped my son and me, seeing nature inspired me greatly.

Shadow invited the two of us to his new home. The house is a good size, having four bedrooms and two baths as well as a nice yard in a comfortable neighborhood. I never met his wife. Since Shadow's invitation was a chance to meet her, I found even more reason to go and meet them.

Shadow caught a girl that is a gem in the coalmine. His wife is Katie. Katie is gentle and loving. She has shown loyalty to Shadow in many ways. Katie has never left Shadow and has always been at his side. She is not afraid of hard work, and she always manages to have time to give Shadow.

She is beautiful as well. She has a graceful, curvaceous frame. Her face is soft and boasts clear, deep blue eyes. Long, golden quills on her head shine and sway with her every move. Her soft golden fur is thick and smooth.

She reminds me of my Angel. I always will love her. Death is not great enough to douse the flame of love she left in my heart, and even if the flame dies, the embers it will leave behind will glow hot forever...

I asked Katie if she had dated many men before she met Shadow.

She laughed upon the thought of my question. "I have dated a hundred men, but none of them are as good as Shadow!" I managed to ask her what Shadow did that made her fall into his arms. "A lot of things he does are things I like about him. He is modest and polite. He always cares about how I feel, and never has pushed me into anything I did not want to do.

He is romantic. He is loyal. The fact that he stayed chaste proves that." Katie blushed when she realized what she just said. I tried to break the heavy silence. "Both of you are modest, and that is honorable," I replied.

That statement appeared to take effect, as Katie continued. "One thing I noticed about Shadow is how he respects me. Men that treated me as a toy or wanted me for lust bothered me. Even if they were not after me for lust, I would not satisfy them in bed, because I am not the kind of girl that regards love so lightly." With a sigh, Katie quietly clasped her hands together and her eyes burned brightly with emotion.

"Shadow is the only guy I have ever known that has shown so much respect and admired me for being beautiful." "Few men do that, as I once was told the very same thing," I agreed. Katie innocently asked me,

"Who told you?" Her question shattered me and retuned my dream of bliss to the writhing agony of reality. I looked her in the eye with solemnity and could only say, "I am sorry. I dearly loved a girl. She is... gone now."

Erich and I bid a farewell to the ideal couple as we left. "I know that you are deeply in love and that is something that countless people have missed. A bonus of that love is simply that it has stayed pure. I can tell you both that you will be wonderful parents. You are blessed," I said before Erich and I left that night. In all of the pain I endured through losing my wife, something precious came out of knowing her that I still have. I have a son. As I remembered the gift Annie gave, I stroked my hand through her gift's hair...

One time I had to talk to Shadow before he proposed, he seemed nervous. Of course he was nervous, but he was also worried. I offered to listen to his troubles and he shared them with me. He and I were walking to a docking bay for his trip home. "I am worried about something, and it is not proposing," he said as his deep brown eyes focused on me. I stayed quiet and waited for him to finish. He sighed. "Both Katie and I are virgins."

"Oh. Is that all?" I asked with a grin pulling at my face. Fuzzy paused with confusion as he arched one eyebrow at me.

"That is not bad at all. In fact, I find that to be good." Both of us moved out of the way of a dozen scientists on duty as they marched buy us. All of them seemed serious. I never bothered to find out what they were studying. I asked him a question to try leading towards my response.

"Shadow, you are good and respectable, are you not?" Shadow let his mouth gape open dubiously. "How would you know?" "I see it..." I replied as I approached him. "...In your eyes." I pointed at his glittering brown orbs to support my statement. "You have a pure heart. You are a virgin because you intend to live with decency. You are kind and polite. You have modesty and good morals. The girl you love is a virgin for that reason, and you admire her even more because of her same modesty." Shadow seemed surprised as I got to my reason for such assertions.

"Don't you see? Virginity is not a _burden_; it is a _blessing_. It is something that you are only once and something that you give only once. The best thing you can do is give it to someone you trust, someone you love, and someone that you know and sincerely want to be with for the rest of your life. Give it to someone you love and get it in return."

"So many people throw that blessing away in shame, and then they cannot share it with their true love, if they ever do actually find their true love and recognize him or her. In addition, if you were to sleep with someone, you would attach to her more. If you were to separate later, you would have more to loose than you would if you stayed abstinent, and that is more pain."

Shadow relaxed, his muscles loosened and his breathing deepened. "God gave us sex to share it with our loved one and to cherish, and cherish with them only. By not being loyal, by giving your virginity to someone who you are not truly in love with, you throw His plan away. Sure, it will feel good for the moment, but from a moral view, it will be no more special with them than it would with the girl next door." He sighed deeply and smiled at me in thanks. I patted Fuzzy on his shoulder. "Take care, Fuzzy." Shadow smiled back at me with a wave goodbye and walked through the gate to board his flight...

9 March, 1956. Baby Shadow is constantly changing. Ever growing, ever lively, he has a profound curiosity. The little boy has a blanket that he carries everywhere. I do not expect him to be potty trained soon, so he should be wearing diapers for a while...

4 June, 1956. Professor Gerald has decided to start developing another baby. The birth of this clone will probably throw countless questions at us and provide few answers. This clone will be white and have beautiful turquoise eyes, because it shall be born next March. Will it be a person like Shadow? I surely know not...

12 July, 1956. Shadow turned two years old today. Christina made a chocolate cake for him, and he got more toys. Shadow is full of energy. At times, I envy the reliable energy patterns so common of young children.

Their energy is always **UP!** Down... **UP!** Down... **UP! **Down... My energy usually stumbles near the lower middle of the scale. My life would be much easier if I had a child's energy again...

5 August, 1956. The second embryo is developing as expected. The embryo is two months into development. The team has locked down Biolizard in isolation. She had a tantrum and tried to eat one of the scientists in the room with her. The scientist is a rowdy college graduate that bothered Bio somehow. I believe that he kicked her in the face. Ouch. He is like most boys his age, feeling impervious to danger. God knows what would have become of him if he were the Lizard's lunch. Maybe the event pulled him down to reality and off his egotistical throne.

8 September, 1956. Erich is now seventeen. As a present, I gave him an original _Mauser 1898_ that I used in The War. He needs to get a hunting license so he can use it.

14 September, 1956. Fuzzy will be a father! Katie is pregnant! The mother-to-be has been expecting for two months. Fuzzy and Katie have been married since August 1957. Although Erich has school, he and I will go and see her as soon as is practical. I only hope there is a teacher workday soon. Erich says there is one this weekend. I hope so. If not, we will go on a day when Erich has no big projects he needs to handle.

20 September, 1956. I am spending the night at Shadow and Katie's home. My son is having a sleepover with one of his friends for a birthday. Shadow has changed his behavior. He always waits for his wife and does sweet things for her. Shadow has picked up Katie's slack to be easy on her. The couple overflows with genuine love, and several of Katie's friends I have met are glad for her, as well as somewhat jealous. Her closest friend, Jenny, has decided she will marry a man like Shadow. She has the right idea.

Jenny is a pretty vixen. Really, she is an artic fox! Jenny told me something outside when she left that I will never forget. As she faced me with her large amber eyes, she said, "Shadow is a great man, and Erich, you are a great man also." Her statement startled me. "Thank you, miss... But why?" Curiosity filled me. Jenny giggled softly.

"I say that because I know it is true. You are courteous and modest. You have been respectful of Shadow and Katie, and helped them with their house chores. You also insisted on standing to give me your seat in their living room. That is what I am going to search for in a potential husband. I will make sure that he will never leave me, unlike the so many others that have." Jenny's silky white fur shined under the moonlight as she walked toward me.

Her neat hair fluttered as a breeze flowed around us. Without thinking, I reached and held her hand and looked in her eyes. "Jenny, you are smart and beautiful. Do not let anyone convince you otherwise." She blushed, and then her face neared mine. I smelled her sweet fragrance and felt a soft pair of lips briefly plant a kiss on my cheek. I was shocked. "Goodbye Erich," she whispered. "Good luck, Jenny," I said back as my cheeks burned. She giggled again as she pulled her face from me. She got into her brother's car and the two of them drove away.

21 September, 1956. I stayed with Shadow the Hedgehog for the last day and will leave tomorrow to return to the grim colony of cold, hard metal. I have decided to write down what exactly Katie meant when she said that Shadow was romantic.

Shadow has always done small things throughout the day to display his love for Katie. When he gets home from his job, he sets time aside to spend with her. The two lovebirds hold hands and hug each other often. Shadow holds Katie in his lap. Shadow tells Katie every day that he loves her. Shadow puts his shoulder to the wheel and shares the household chores. Katie loves the attention she gets from Fuzzy.

I hear that many women have little romance that does not involve lust. Sex exists with the purpose of complementing and fulfilling Romance. Romance never has intended to fulfill Sex. That is truly a pity, as there are so many more blessings in romantic relationships than just sex... A romanticist? Me? Absolutely! I am also a strict one at that.

19 October, 1956. The impossible has occurred. _Our second clone has a heart..._ My original beliefs about what makes one human have not changed, but my views of why have been completely undermined and shredded into oblivion. As I stare out the window at the moon, I wonder. _Is this God's will? Should this be happening? Should the scientists alongside me clone people? Did God Himself give the new fetus a heart?_ I stared out of the window. _The fetus has a heart that is soft and pure, just like his father and his brother do._ Somehow, I foolishly wished God Himself would tell me!

As I watched the moon, I noticed something. A shooting star blazed by the silver lunar face in front of my very eyes! Was I hallucinating? I considered what I just saw. The blaze was not a meteor. I was in space. There is no atmosphere present to burn a meteor out here! Could it be a comet? No, comets take days to move at all...

My mind told me that I was seeing things, but my heart felt that what I saw happened. I was so confused... This must be God's will. If it is not, than my feeble mind does not expect to know what actually happened.

Overwhelmed by the event, I can only decide to pray.

Something unexplainable inspired me to rush to the gestation room and check on the unborn. I answered it, rushing to the laboratory, and I saw a golden light burning within the heart of the fetus. The light made the artificial uterus glow orange, and the shadow cast by the chamber surrounding it threw itself onto the room around it. The glow then vanished, but I felt two hearts burning brightly. One was that of the fetus, the other was the heart of Baby Shadow. I have received an answer.

23 February, 1957. Yesterday is a day worthy of my memory.

Yesterday on the 22nd, Katie gave birth two months premature. Shadow called me the hour she went into labor to join him at the hospital. I went immediately, giving my son the assignment of taking care of himself for this single weekend.

When I had gotten to the waiting room at the hospital, Shadow was there with four other people. All of them were hedgehogs of an older age; they were the parents of both Shadow and Katie. Shadow's own father is a little over my age with dark grey fur and quills that remind me of lead and the same deep brown eyes that Shadow has. His mother has tan fur and quills that hang over her forehead like hair and brown eyes. Katie's mother has the same shade of golden fur as Katie and green eyes. Her father has light blue eyes and distinctive dark blue fur and quills. Everyone was very nervous.

It would be illogical to expect otherwise.

Shadow briefly hugged me when I arrived. "Thank you for coming, Erich. I did not know if you would show up at all," he said worriedly. He introduced me to his parents and his wife's parents. We waited for what seemed an eternity. I do not like the policy hospitals have of making an anxious new father trapped in the waiting room away from his wife! I actually _ignored_ the pleas and orders of hospital staff and rushed to my wife when she called me between rapid breaths during her labor. I have not doubted in my disregarding action even once...

If Fuzzy was the same way, I suspected he would wait only for his own sweetheart's call. I was right. All of us heard her cry for him. It sung out of a storm of yells and screams of her suffering. I pushed the panicked father briskly forward and through the protesting nurses. When we were steps away from the operating room, I rushed him into a nearby bathroom.

"Wash your hands first, Shadow. I know how tense you are," I assured him. We both washed our hands and ran right to the screams of his wife. When we entered, gasping replaced Katie's screaming. Shadow's irises expanded, causing his pupils to become small as his face paled into a lifeless shade of grey. My blood froze stiff. _Why was it quiet? _I realized in horror the infant was not crying at all. The lead doctor held a twisted mass of slime and black fur in his arms as a cold look remained upon his face. The baby was dead.

Nurses and assistants left us in the room alone after the assistants removed the following afterbirth. Just Katie, Shadow, the doctor, a corpse and I remained in the room. Shadow stayed silent. After a cold and harsh silence, he whispered to the doctor, fear trembling in his voice. "May I hold my baby?" The doctor left us there. Tears started to cascade down Shadow's cheeks as he broke out in sobs. He wandered over to Katie to press his face and the stillborn into her arms and shook with every sob that escaped his mouth. Both of them cried for an eternity, but that eternity was fifteen minutes long.

The four grandparents walked into the room, bewildered by the hospital workers who escorted them to this room that filled with silence. They only stared at the couple that had a desperate grip upon the body of what was supposedly their first child. Shadow's father only started a question. "Is the baby...?" Shadow faced his dad to nod slowly as Katie sobbed.

"Call the doctor back to this room. His help will be appreciated," I commanded. I felt the solemnity in my voice. Katie's mom got the doctor in the room after everyone stared at me doubtfully. "Why did you send for me?" the returning doctor asked reluctantly. "You will see why," I answered. I was in a state of disbelief until I gathered the nerve to ask the two devastated hedgehogs if I could hold their stillborn child. Shadow slowly and delicately placed the black lump of fur in my arms.

I held it against my heart and focused on where its dead heart was. I reached for Chaos energy from everything I could possibly consider at the time. I gathered Chaos from myself, from the heartbroken couple, from the parents of the couple, from every hospital worker in the entire facility. I pulled energy from the very matter around us, from dust outside our room and the air, from far off animals and plants, everything that had Chaos energy inside.

The form of the stillborn started to glow in a bright white aura after the lights in the room seemed to dim themselves. The others that witnessed the spectacle held feelings of amazement and fear as they watched. I could feel heat grow in the heart of the body I held. The heat urged me to keep going, so I kept gathering Chaos.

The heart filled with warmth that became spiritual embers. After a moment, the embers ignited a faint yet steady burn of life. The baby was alive, but it was not breathing. I placed the baby on the foot of the bed with its head facing towards me and pressed two fingers on its sternum bone repeatedly to imitate a heartbeat. The baby's mouth opened and heaved clear, warm slime onto my shirt with a cough. That was disgusting, but I did not care then. Sighs of relief from Katie and Shadow followed the baby's first breath.

The baby cried, and its face reddened and tightened more with each little sob. The doctor lifted the infant into his arms and walked out of the room. Shadow let tears glide down his cheeks. Seeing the tears made me nervous. "I am sorry. I did not mean to scare you," I said. Shadow shook his head and replied, "No, I am fine. These are tears of joy." Shadow surprised me with a sudden bear hug and sobs. I hugged the new father back as he calmed down.

The doctor returned with a wrapped up blanket and an announcement. "Congratulations. Your baby is a girl, and she is quite lively." He handed the bundle of cloth to Katie and stepped back to let Shadow and his parents and his wife's parents gather around their new family member. I looked over them and saw the girl wrapped in her mother's arms open her eyes. "She has her mother's beautiful eyes," Shadow observed. Katie smiled and blushed in pride. The new father softly kissed Katie on her cheek. Sure enough, there were four deep blue sapphires shining in the light...

9 March, 1957. The white hedgehog was born today. He is just as ugly as Shadow first was, and yet he is stunningly beautiful. He has large, gorgeous, bluish green eyes that match the color of his birthstone, the aquamarine. Gerald is amazed as much as I am that the infant has a heart. Gerald has decided to clone the tiny infant and see what happens. The white furry is so little. I will name him... _Zephyr._ A zephyr is a gentle, pleasant breeze, and that as a name would describe this boy nicely.


	3. Isolation

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter III

_Isolation_

_A.N. This is the start of Shadow's life as seen through his eyes. In first person, if you want to be technical about it._

* * *

It was a while before my fifth birthday. I had developed an inseparable bond with Maria, who was my sister. Even if my parents had not adopted me, I loved Maria too much to consider her a friend. I loved Maria, Mom, and Dad just the same, adopted by them or not. I was not simple enough to ignore that I looked so different from them, but I never dwelled on that fact. At least I did not worry about it after I asked Mom about it. I do not remember asking her myself, but she told me about it later in my life.

Maria was not acting like herself. She acted tired, as if she was a bucket of life and the bucket leaked; her joy fell out this leak into nothing. Her blue eyes did not glimmer as they had before and she stayed in her room. One morning I was being dressed in my room. My room was not very big, but it was not small either.

I had a twin bed in a corner next to a window that offered a view of empty space beyond and the blue Earth underneath. A nightstand was on the other side of my bed, and it had a lamp on it. All of the living quarters were on the bottom of the colony, stacked like a deck of cards in structures that look like skyscrapers. The base of the colony was closest to the Earth, which appeared to be below it from inside the colony.

My father managed to get me in underpants and pair of personal blue jeans. My underwear and pants had a hole under the waistband so my tail could hang freely. I prefer my pants that way. 'Why,' you might ask? Why not? It is more comfortable than having something stuck in your underwear all day! It is far better than having_ your _tail stuck in your underwear all day!

Dad held a shirt over me as he instructed me to raise both of my arms. I watched him curiously. "Daddy?" Dad sighed. "Not now, kiddo. Can you hold your arms up for me?" I stuck my arms up and he pulled my shirt on. Now I was fully dressed. "Daddy?" I called hopefully, as I stared up at him. My father's hazel eyes focused on my own crimson eyes. "Yes, buddy?"

"Why we wear clothes?" I asked. "Because..." Dad paused as he smirked. He suddenly grabbed me and picked me up, tickling my belly as he held me over his shoulder. I exploded in laughter as I felt his fingers poking my stomach with rapid movements. Dad chuckled at my reaction. After I caught my breath, he patted my back. "We wear clothes because it is rude to show your butt." He patted his hand against my bottom in gesture to his answer. I considered the new information with a giggle, and asked, "But why we wear shirts?" "Shirts match with the pants you are wearing," Dad answered as he lowered me to the ground and set me on my feet. He ruffled my quills lovingly before going somewhere else in the house.

_Our home floor plan was simple. A door from the hallway outside entered into the living room. A sofa and two chairs were against a wall opposite of the door to fill the room. To the right of the door was another doorway, and it was to the family room. Not much to say about it; it had two sofas and an armchair surrounding a coffee table. At the front of that room was a simple black and white TV that only had six channels and rested on a cabinet. A kitchen was at the back of the family room and a dining room off to the side. In the back corner of the kitchen, a hall led to the bedrooms, bathroom, and guestroom of the house. The hallway followed behind the family room and living room._

Maria had to go to school, but that day my eager eyes saw her still in her room. I was thrilled! I did not know why she left me for half of the day so frequently, but I was glad she was still home. My new discovery excited me. I rushed down the hallway to tell Mom.

Mom had a steel kettle of boiling water and filled it with coffee grounds after placing a filter inside the kettle. She then placed a lid on it and pushed it away from the front of the counter. I stood to the side of the hallway and called her from there. "Mommy?" Mom placed toast in a toaster and pulled the toast down to start it, and then she got butter from a cabinet and pulled orange juice out of the refrigerator. "Yes, dear," she answered back.

My heart lifted with joy as I told my great discovery. "Mawia still here!" "Yes, honey. She does not feel too good, so she will stay home today until she feels good again." "Why?" I asked. Mom faced me with her brown eyes. "Your sister's head has a boo-boo. Maria is very tired and needs to sleep."

Dad walked in from behind me and was dressed for the day. Mom prepared his toast and gave him a cup of orange juice and coffee as he sat at the table in the kitchen. He gave her a thank you and ate. I ran up and sat next to him. I was just tall enough to reach the table without trouble. "Mommy, I am hungy. May I pwease have food?" Mom's work on my manners seemed to pay off; I was remembering to say 'please.' Mom and Dad both smiled at me. Mom fixed a bowl of cereal for me and gave me the bowl and a hug as well. At the thought of her hug, a thought came to me.

_I have realized that I often embrace others to express my love for them. I always had a thirst for love and I always will. The thirst I have is for something that is a real requirement and a need, not just a shallow yearning. I at least know that much through enduring horrible times of despair._

Dad finished his breakfast when I was done with my cereal. As he stood up to leave, he kissed Mom goodbye. "Bye, Shadow," he said as he hurried and picked up a briefcase to leave. I replied, "Love you, Daddy!" "Mommy?" I asked. "Whaty?" She said back as she sat with me. Her response caused me to laugh. "Daddy sure does work a whole lot," I continued. "Sure." She started eating her own toast. "I know you work a whole lot, too, Mommy." She paused and faced me. "You always work hard to take care of Daddy, Mawia, and me and keep the house fixed. You and Daddy both work lots," I finished.

"You are a sweet boy, Shadow. I love you," Mom replied as she tousled fur on my head. "I love you, Mommy," I said back honestly. _Looking back at that moment, I am glad I spoke about her hard work. My little comment seemed to place a smile upon her face and a content mood that lasted all day._

Although Maria was home, that day was not remarkable in too many ways. She stayed in her room and I interacted with her very little. As Mom put me to bed after reading me a story, I asked her why Maria was sick. "Why does Mawia have an owie, Mommy?" Mom's shadow seemed to throw itself onto the wall of the room and dance with the light from the lamp on my nightstand. She shifted, and the shadow leaped across the room before she settled down. My eyes followed her movement.

"Maria has a cold, Shadow. I am going to take her to the doctor tomorrow." "What is a cold?" I asked as always, forever curious. "A cold is when you get a virus." "What is a viwus?" Mom paused to decide on an explanation. "Viruses are super tiny things that harm you. Some viruses, like the cold virus, have a very easy time spreading from sick people to healthy people. Then the cold makes you feel tired, your nose run, and your head hurt for days."

Mom paused for an unnerving moment. I grew uneasy and asked, "Mommy, are you alwight?" She sighed. "I need to take Maria to the doctor." "Why?" I asked nervously. "Maria gets sick very bad. She gets sick worse than you or I do." I flopped onto my pillow for the night.

_That getting 'sick very bad' was my sister's neuro-immunodeficiency syndrome. Maria got ill from things that most other people can thankfully shrug off because of the immune systems in their bodies. My adoptive grandfather was strict about microbes on the colony in order to protect Maria. If Maria had no immune system at all, doctors would have locked her away in a clean room, never to touch anything or anyone. _

_Her immune system was only half as effective at fighting sickness as most people. Considering that she had an immune system, I find that to be a blessing compared to no immunity at all. __I did not know that my own immune system is twice as efficient as that of a healthy person. Maria's immune system had one fifth of the strength of my own. I have an advantage in that way, but poor Maria had a burden._

* * *

_The ARK is a very repetitive place. There are two types of hallways. The first kind is more inviting than the other kind. The first type had hallways of painted drywall, with pictures on the walls, and benches and tables with lamps. The outer hallways of the ARK that followed the ARK's circumference had windows for anyone to gaze out at space and the moon. The second types of hallways were spaced between every three levels of the nicer hallways. _

_The outermost of these also had windows, but there were no chairs, no furniture, no paintings, and no homey walls. Panels of metal were along the walkways, and numerous pipes and wires ran behind the panels. Doors of the hallways were no better to look at. Any doors there are simple metal doors that remind me of a prison. Some other hallways on these levels were secondary hallways and massive airlocks generally kept them separate. Those hallways lead to countless pipelines and storage rooms, filled with food, water, medical supplies, and other items the inhabitants of the colony used. _

_In the center of the colony were fifty levels that the government kept secret form everyone except the scientists and engineers that worked there. The levels were laboratories and storage for laboratory equipment and experiments. Every level was a storage level, three living levels, another storage level, three more living levels, and so on. Emergency stairwells are evenly spaced along the levels in case of an accident or danger, and there were emergency ramps for those who were stuck in wheelchairs. _

_Anyone could easily get lost in the massive colony, so the officials chose to have a map of the entire colony and a floor plan of each level throughout the halls to show passerby where they were. The maps solved the problem for the most part. Each level had four quadrants, which officials called "Block-A, Block-B, Block-C," or "Block-D," to make locating places somewhat easier. Monorails are throughout the colony to compensate for its size that took passengers to any of the four quadrants on each level. Elevators took passengers to most of the levels as well._

* * *

The next day is one that will forever haunt me. That day started out as one would have expected it to. I was awake and dressed by Mom, who already got Maria out of bed and dressed. After the three of us ate a breakfast of bacon and eggs with toast, we set out for the hallway outside our home. After a while, we stopped at the monorail station, which we used often.

Thankfully, a hospital was two quadrants of a level and another above the first two and we lived on one of those levels. I lost interest in standing for a train and struggled to keep myself still. The sound of a sneeze startled me and I turned around to find Maria with her head down and a pained expression on her face. She followed the sneeze with sniffing. Mom handed her a tissue from her purse and instructed her. "Cover your mouth when you sneeze, please. We will get you feeling better, okay, honey?" Maria nodded sluggishly. A train rushed in and slowed to a stop. The doors opened after a recording blabbered about giving room to other people. We then boarded.

We settled at the front of the train. Wanting to comfort her, I reached my short arms up to Maria and clutched her head firmly after the train sped up and showed no sign of slowing down for a while. She glanced at me in response, but I ignored it and pressed my thumbs against the back of her head, causing her to sigh. I rolled my thumbs and fingers across the back of her neck, which managed to make her moan softly. Whenever I got my head bumped, rubbing it usually caused it to feel better. The only pain of the head I knew of was head bruising, so I treated her headache as one. My massage actually managed to kill her pain for the moment, even though I thought her pain was different.

Later, after we got to the hospital and were finished waiting in the waiting room, the nurse sent us to another room to wait even more, as if I wanted the waiting to be eternal. I sat in a chair next to mom this time and Maria was lying on the plastic bed. Doctor Stevens made an entrance then and noticed Maria's lack of life. Maria asked if she could go use the restroom, so Mom told me to stay in the room and wait. That was when my day fell apart.

Moments went by in the empty room. Without warning two white men opened the door and closed it behind them, keeping their eyes on me. I was naive and just watched them silently. One of them had a suitcase, and both of them wore the same GUN uniforms. Suddenly, the both of them rushed at me and pinned me violently to the wall. I tried to scream, but one of them placed his gloved hand securely over my mouth before I could. My heart raced and I panicked. _What are they going to do to me?_ I thought about Mom and Maria. _Will Mom and Maria come back?_

One of the men then pulled out a syringe and forcefully jabbed my arm and filled my muscle with drugs. My vision blurred, and I do not know if fear, the force of the men, or the drug they used on me caused it. It did not matter, because then they threw me into a solid suitcase. My head crashed against the solid material and my arm and head ached ceaselessly. Tears fled from my eyes as they closed my prison shut. The last things I saw were their cold stares that remained unmoved by my crying...

* * *

When I woke up, nothing seemed to have changed. I was in darkness and my body protested harshly to me with aches and stiffness. I had no idea whatsoever of where I was. I tried to stand up and get familiar with my surroundings. After a minute, my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I could determine shapes in the almost nonexistent light. The vision did little to soothe my fears, however.

A room of steel trapped me that had only one door, so I approached it to find an escape. Ignoring the dull ache of my head, I reached at the door, discovering there was no doorknob. I then searched for a lever to pull, and after a minute, I found one. The thick door of metal pulled up slowly and I peered out of the gloomy room.

I saw a hallway of steel walls and pipes, and large screens of red light showed diagrams of extensive jargon I did not understand; letters and numbers with images glowed on their faces. They were the only lights in the room except for large panels of glowing, red glass. They were of no use to me, so I wandered out and determined that my room was at the back of a hallway. Only finding one way to travel, I reluctantly followed it. My stomach grew uneasy and my heart felt heavy. My shadow flowed away from the light of the screens and wavered behind me eerily.

The hallway took a right turn and opened to a room with an enormous pool of strange liquid that glowed orange at the right side of the room. I looked to the left and saw a walkway and a railing about one meter above the pool. My mind insisted that something was hiding in the pool...

Steps echoed against the hard metal of a hall in front of me, and I froze as a silent gasp escaped my throat. Two men in white laboratory coats, one was a white man and the other was a brown fox, walked up to me. "What is the project doing out here?" the white man asked his coworker. "Whatever he is doing out here, it matters little. The fact he is out here is worthy of our orders. We must take him to the colonel," the brown fox answered back.

The both of them grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me firmly where I was going in the first place: down the hallway. My head filled with wonder, but that did not matter. The two captors led me to a room that had computers and screens galore, which cast a blue light throughout the room.

A tall white man that appeared to be in his late twenties wore an elaborate uniform. Many medals were on his coat, which I noticed when he turned my way after they addressed him. "Sir, we have found the project wandering about. What shall we do with him?" The colonel glared at me, filling my heart with fear. He had neatly cut jet-black hair and harsh blue eyes.

"Put the project back where it belongs! Keep an eye on it for assurance that it will not escape from its cell again. If it does, I will not be pleasant!" Both scientists answered him with a "Yes, sir!" and pulled me back to the very room from which I had escaped minutes earlier. Along the way, the brown fox commented to his partner. "That guy sure is a young colonel." The other person agreed and they started talking about locking the door with a computer to keep me there.

Before I knew what had happened, I was back in the dark room. I had no idea how far from safety I was, or where I was in the first place. I did not know how long I was unconscious at all. I stared absently at the wall as my head continued to ache and my arm remained sore after two men had stabbed me with a needle...

* * *

I heard a faint hiss that grew gradually louder and opened my eyes. I was still in my prison. I must have fallen asleep, but the rest was lacking in quality. I felt even worse than I did before. I was sore, tired, and plagued by thirst. The bothersome hiss was coming from a vent at the back wall of the room. Its constant whisper inspired me to approach it. The vent was a rectangular shaft that went back away from the wall a meter and then appeared to go straight up. A thick metal grating covered it. Desiring a way to escape, I pulled on the cover, only to discover that it would not budge even slightly.

I grew discouraged and sat down the only place I could. I slowly sat on the cold, hard, metal floor and let bitter tears run out of my eyes. The only sounds I heard were my breathing, the whisper of the air vent, and the occasional drip of warm salty tears falling off my cheeks and onto the lifeless metal floor. I was to stay there alone for a long time, waiting for something to happen. After lasting through what made my wait in a hospital days earlier seem like nothing at all, something did happen.

I heard mumbling through the door at the front of the room and approached it silently. People were talking and I could not hear them clearly, so I got as close to the wall as I could. One source of the talking scared me and sent chills down my spine. I recognized one of the voices was the colonel that was so harsh to me. I stood back as a mechanical groan reverberated from the wall and the door slowly opened. The colonel's body cast a tall outline upon my eyes, and the light burned my vision as I waited, trapped in the dim room.

"Project: Shadow!" The colonel barked harshly, causing me to flinch. "Do you understand why you are here?" I was shocked and could not answer. "This thing is stupid. It will not talk," the colonel said to an officer who stood beside him. "Sir, he does not feel like talking. He is frightened and needs to recover-" The colonel's angry voice cut off the speaker, who was a rather gentle looking woman raccoon. "Why do you speak of such nonsense? The Project is only a thing! We have funded a weapon with countless millions of dollars! We shall do with it as I please!" The young raccoon remained silent. I felt heavy waves of confusion engulf my mind as the colonel continued.

"I know you understand me, Project. Let me tell you something. _You_ belong to _me_." The colonel gestured by pointing at me and then to himself. "If you ever try to escape from here, I will punish you. I will not use little time out time, though. I will hurt you." My heart became a cold and heavy stone. I felt it sink into my stomach and its weight pulling on my chest. "Do not ever escape," he finished his sentence with ominous certainty. After that, the door locked me in a darkness that seemed threatening. I sat down against the wall until my instincts urged me to place my ear against the wall. I quickly found out why, because I could hear sounds outside with clarity.

The colonel told the two people following him to take a shift the next day. He than said that "No assistants are needed in this sector, since that thing is locked away in there." I was appalled when something in my mind clicked into place and revealed something I do not appreciate at all. I am the _thing_. I am _it._ I am _Project: Shadow_...

* * *

I managed to wake up in exhaustion the next day. I pressed my ear against the wall again and listened for any strange sounds. I listened and listened. I felt like I listened, at least. After hearing nothing, I decided I was going to get out of there. I was only five years old, but I had the blood of a survivor flowing though my body.

I took a deep breath and searched for the lever I had pulled previously to open the large hatch. My fingers rubbed among the cold solid metal until they felt a protrusion. I pulled on it and watched from the darkness. Nothing happened. I never was certain it would open the sealed door in the first place. My chest heaved a lengthy sigh. I then remembered that the door locked.

Losing hope, I crawled into a corner and cried. Being so young, I had cried many a time before, but never had I sobbed so hard. Never had I let so many tears from my eyes. Never before did I yell for such a long time. Before I finished, my ears pricked up at the sound of a heavy sliding door. I faced the bright light as it hurt my eyes.

After my view focused, I saw a silhouette that made me stop yelling all together. I still sobbed quietly as the figure approached me. The door closed and then the figure walked up to me and pulled me into her warm arms. I clung to the young raccoon woman with a whimper and all of my terrified might.

She hushed me by stroking my head gently and putting my mind at ease. "Shadow," she called me with her gentle voice. "Listen to me closely. That mean guy is not here. I am going to let you out of here, but you must promise me that you will tell Professor Gerald that the mean guy locked you up, and bring him with you down here. But you need to do it without any people in uniforms seeing you escape. If one of them sees you, you need to come back here to me so I will hide you and they cannot hurt you." She held me by my shoulders and kneeled down to look me in the eyes. "Do you understand?" I nodded in response.

"Hide yourself under tables and in the shadows when someone is near you. To get out of here, you need to go out this hall and past the orange pool to a room. From where you are then, you need to go to the hallway that is on this side," she held her hand up in gesture to the right side. "When you get to another door, it will be thick and red. Hide in the shadows until someone opens it and run out of the door when they are not looking. Go this way down the hall." She gestured again to the left, so I nodded.

"There will be a wooden door with a glass window on it that is hard to see through. Go in there. There Professor Gerald will be in his room. Stay with him, tell him that you were locked up, and bring him back to the red door with you. Do you understand?" I nodded.

"I will close this door behind you and lock it so they can't see you are missing. If you come back in the first room that is inside the red door, I will be there." "What is your name, miss?" I asked her. "Megan," was her reply. I replayed her plan in my mind several times. The woman opened the door and told me to get out quickly. I did not hesitate, but I did stop an instant to hug her and ran on my way.

I never noticed I could run so fast. The red panels were blurs of red light and the pool was an orange flash as wind rushed over me. After a brief moment, I had gotten to the room and hid around the hall I was in at the corner. I then made a desperate rush to the hall on the other side of the room noticing that not one person was there. I almost ran into a thick door that was a bright shade of orange, but in the dim light, it looked red.

Minutes passed as I waited at the side of the door when it opened. Just after a scientist walked meters beyond me, I rushed through the door and concealed myself behind some pipes in a corridor that joined the main hall. The next thing that happened convinced me that I was dreaming. I saw Maria walk by me and down the main hall!

I went into the light to get her attention and quickly realized I had made a mistake. A soldier was about twenty meters beyond her, and when she noticed me, the soldier noticed her moving as well. Maria curiously went towards me and I knew the soldier was watching her.

With perfect timing, the orange door opened up, so I rushed inside as my sister followed closely behind. I ran through the main hallway until I got to the main room and found Megan. I heard Maria call from behind me. "Wait! Where are you going?" I then heard a man shouting after her. It was the soldier.

Megan and I rushed back into the hallway where the colonel held me. She told me to stay back near the room where I was imprisoned. I heard more shouting from many men as the daring raccoon girl calmly went back up the hallway.

Maria caught up to me and was about to ask me something, but I immediately placed my hand over her mouth and led her back to the orange pool near my room. We listened to Megan confront the group of men and stayed silent.

"Excuse me, but did you happen to see a little girl run through here?" one man asked. "A girl? No sir, I have not seen anybody run though here. I have been in her for the past three hours." Another man objected. "But, sir! I saw a little blonde girl run in here! She came just a minute ago!" That man obviously got others to join him and find us.

The man to whom the other spoke replied incredulously. "You are seeing things. When did you last get some rest?" Silence followed. "I have been through a night shift." "Really? No wonder you are so jumpy, corporal!" The other men laughed. "I reward you with a break. Go get some rest so you will be ready for your job tomorrow." All seemed well.

Unfortunately, the pool of orange liquid bubbled and stirred at the worst time. A gigantic red lizard creature rose above the pool and opened its large mouth enough to swallow Maria and me for lunch. Maria screamed. As it reared its head, I pushed her out of the room and barely managed to get out. The lizard creature submerged into the orange fluid.

We both landed on the floor of the hall as the soldiers ran up to us and pried me away from Maria. "Get off of her!" Two of them held onto me as a third used a stun gun to shock me. I lost control of my body under terrible pain and fell limp. They shocked me again. Tears left my eyes as I smelled smoke rise from my burnt fur.

Maria and Megan both screamed at them. "Don't do that! He saved me from that giant! Stop it!" Maria cried. "Why are you hurting him? He is just a boy!" Megan screamed at them. They stopped shocking me and picked my limp body up. Ignoring that they had tied me with a cable, my eyes watered and tears fell from my face onto the floor. The men carried me back in the hallway toward the cell, but a roar rumbled through the waters of the nearby pool and bubbles exploded with orange liquid. The men panicked with confused yelling and orders.

Four of them stayed at the pool while the two others carried me back to the cell. A deep rumble resounded so violently that the floor shook and I could feel my chest vibrate! One man pulled a switch on the wall next to my prison that opened and drew a gust of air over my face. I swayed as my captors set me down in the back of the room, yet I could see the pool from there.

They then left there with the door open. I saw the hideous lizard lift its enormous head out of the pool. All of the men drew their weapons and fired at the lizard. I heard ricochets as the copper slugs of the guns bounced off the lizard and instead landed in the pool with splashes or bounced against the walls. An alarm blared. As the monster lifted its head to swallow a man alive, a thick metal door with a glass window closed over the monster and caused a massive splash that knocked one of the men down. The lizard caused a deep dull thud as its head crashed into the reinforced metal, and then it was quiet.

One man staggered back to my cell and closed the door. The sealed door muffled the siren, but still it sounded distinctive against the almost silent background. My muscles ached no longer; they burned. They hurt worse. I sat against the wall and tried my best to sleep after the alarm silenced.

Thoughts of despair kept me awake. I drowned in despair. I was sure I would die in that place. I was sure I would die slowly, my body fading from the lack of food and water. I felt something wet land on my leg. I would have cried, but I was too exhausted to make an effort. Tears that slipped away from my eyes dropped onto my fur...

* * *

The door opened once more. I decided to close my eyes. "SHADOW!" I heard Maria's voice. "Grandpa, They hurt him!" I felt her arms embrace me. I looked up at her and tried to speak, but Maria put a finger to my lips. "Shhh. You need to rest." I smiled softly to her as she picked me up and she and my granddad carried me out of hell itself...


	4. A New Colonist

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter IV

_A New Colonist_

* * *

_Soon after my ordeal in captivity, I was afraid. I felt threatened in the back of my mind ever since. I started having nightmares, and they never stopped. At times, they would leave me alone, but they always would return. Some of you may wonder why a fool such as me would have nightmares. Even now, I still have nightmares... _

_The joy of being home again healed my heart quickly. My heart was soft and healed rather easily. Yet every time trauma crushed it, it would not fix itself perfectly as it was before. Trauma left pain in my heart. The pain has revealed itself before you. My desperate attempt of causing devastation, which convinced many to despise me, is that revelation. When I got back to my home, I held onto my family, fearing I would never see them again. It now seems ironic that fear eventually became the truth for me over a decade later..._

I asked Mom how long I was missing. "You have been missing for five days." Those five days seemed like a year that would never finish, like a burning pain that would never go out. I remember asking Mom what happened to Maria. We were on the couch and had the rare privilege of an afternoon nap. Mom's brown eyes lost focus and drifted off to her memory.

"Maria," she started, "got very sick. When we got back to the examining room, you were nowhere to be found. All of us panicked and looked for you. We searched the entire hospital for you and we searched the hallways. Maria stopped being happy altogether. Even after she got well, she was even worse than she was when you were there and she had the cold. She did not eat, she did not laugh, and she did badly in school." "She did?" I asked Mom as I watched her with anxious carmine eyes. "All of us felt lost," she finished.

Mom then gave me a bear hug. "Now you are back, I am too happy to tell you how great I am." I felt peaceful when she embraced me. _I love my mom. I really miss her now... When I think of my family, my heart fills with sorrow._

When I was six, something unpleasant happened. Since I was a small child, I was likely to get ear infections. To state this simply, I got one of them. It started with a loss of my acute hearing in my left ear, which I lost over a period of a few days. I constantly put my finger into my ear in vain attempts of making the hearing return, and that was how Mom first noticed.

Mom decided to let more time pass before taking me to the doctor, because I had started school. I was in kindergarten the year before, and I enjoyed it. I got to paint, I found a few friends, and the teacher read stories to us in class. Our teacher was very nice. I did never like taking naps, though.

_It irritates me to no end that the schools always allow __**energetic**__ children to take naps that they never need, and that the education board never gave naps to me in high school when I was __**drowsy**__ and __**needed**__ them! Teenagers often are like that, requiring more sleep than most people and developing awkward sleeping patterns. Naptime is a lost cause, a wasted crusade that will never bring rewards. Now I guess that it never was for the children, but it was actually for the teachers to have time to meet in class. There are no naps in first grade, or any other grade for that matter._

After my ear started hurting, Mom gave me Tylenol, which soothed the pain somewhat, but my ear still was set to explode. One day Mom kept me at home from school and took me to the doctor. The doctor greeted Mom and then turned to me. "What is wrong, Shadow?" he asked. The discomfort I felt was showing on my face. I put my hand over my left ear as I had been the last few days. "I got an earache!" I cried out.

Doctor Stevens scribbled on a clipboard, pulled a lens from the wall, and examined inside of my ears through it. "Your left ear has an infection." The doctor scribbled on the clipboard some more and gave me medicine to take.

The next day was Saturday. Doctor Stevens made an appointment for me that day, and back to the hospital Mom, Maria, and I went. Dad was busy on an overtime assignment. My ear started ringing and I felt as if a knife was pushing into my temple. I moaned occasionally as I endured the pain, causing Mom and my sister to worry.

Dr. Stevens came into the room in which we waited with a nurse and a bag of equipment. He placed the bag on the counter at the wall and the nurse walked up to me. She told me to get on the bed and sit. I looked up at her briefly and climbed up. "You sit up for a minute, okay sweetie?" she said softly.

I forced a smile and pulled my ear with my hand, trying to silence the maddening pain. She then placed a towel on the pillow of the bed and instructed me to lie down. _That was easy enough,_ I thought as my head rested against the pillow. Dr. Stevens put a neck brace on my neck to keep my head still. "Are you okay, Shadow? Does your ear hurt?" the nurse asked. I made a long moan in reply. I waited as the doctor operated on my ear.

I felt a poke right were my ear was hurting and heard a dull thud inside my head. The pain of my ear increased, provoking a whimper from my mouth. I heard Maria's voice call out. "Shadow, are you ok?" Her voice filled with a tone of fear. The doctor calmly assured I would be all right.

I felt something else poke my eardrum briefly and the sensation of the puncture left as a deep rumble echoed solidly in my ear. I sighed in relief as the earache pain diminished. Although it left a mild ache behind, the ache was peaceful relief in comparison to the discomfort I had felt previously. The nurse took the neck brace off me, and Dr. Stevens grasped my head and turned it to face him, as he was on my left side.

"Keep still, Shadow. The yucky stuff is dripping out of your ear, and keeping your ear pointed down like this helps it," Dr. Stevens explained through his muffled mask. My eyes widened as I felt warm moisture fill my ear canal and trickle down. Maria looked upset when I noticed her. Mom held Maria's hand as Maria groaned in disgust.

I stayed facing to the side for ten minutes. The doctor turned my head the other way, facing away from them, and then the nurse injected a solution of alcohol inside my ear. After turning me the other way again and draining my ear, she made me face upwards and dabbed the ear dry with a washcloth.

The nurse lifted me upright and said, "We are all done! You did a great job, Shadow." She gave me a lollipop that caused my smile to appear. "Thank you so much for the candy and making the pain go away," I said to them, causing both of my rescuers to smile. I looked at the towel my head was resting upon a minute before and noticed a disturbing yellow stain on the white towel. I then said "Ewww!" The others laughed at my response.

I was nine years old when I first met a particular person. The person I mention is one of the few from my childhood that live now as I recall this. Just before my third year in elementary school began, he became a part of the first half of my haunting life.

He is one of many that decided to hold prejudice against me for arising from an experiment. Many individuals hated me, regardless of what I did. This person is Jimmy Smith. My relationship with him is embittered and sour. I did not know why at first he acted so unfriendly to me, but Maria told me why he acted such a way. The bitterness was a combination of things.

First, as I mentioned before, he knew that I was born in an artificial womb and was genetically modified. Apparently, that was a reason for his hostility. Secondly, he liked Maria and was jealous that I was her brother.

I first met him when Maria introduced him to me. He was in her class at middle school. Both of them were in the eighth grade, and Maria was fourteen. He was studying with Maria one afternoon. I first met him after they were finished studying all afternoon. I was mad because I did not get to spend time with her all day. After Mom had composed another good and filling dinner, the door to her room opened as I watched from my room.

Maria came out followed by a white boy with brown hair. I was curious and watched them as they exchanged a few words. Maria turned and saw me, then pulled the boy's attention as she guided him down the hall toward me. I was nine years old, and I thought fifth graders were rather big. I thought he was enormous!

It was when he faced me that I noticed his eyes and his face. _His eyes are his most distinctive feature. His right eye is blue and his left eye is brown. I knew of others that had eyes that were both blue and brown in each eye, but I never have seen someone else with eyes that are separate colors. He is the only person I know that has eyes with colors that are so unusual like my own._

He looked upon me with a shocked expression. My chest heaved a quick sigh as I grew anxious under his glaring eyes. I wondered why he seemed angry as my eyes settled on Maria. Maria glanced at the boy with concern in her eyes. "Jim, what is wrong with you?" She asked as she raised her eyebrows. Her question received no quick reply. I glanced back at Jimmy and waited for a response. Jim pointed back into her room, and walked in there, reluctantly followed by the girl with shining golden hair.

_That is weird, _I thought as I saw Jimmy close the door. _Maybe he had forgotten something. Could he have?_ I approached the door and listened for any noise. I heard Jim's voice. "...What was that black creature? ...Never seen... like it." I got closer to the door to hear more clearly.

Maria's voice spoke up with nervousness. "That 'black creature' is my _brother_, Jim." Silence followed. "You are out of your mind, Maria. There is no way that could be your brother," Jim scoffed. "Of course he is my brother, Jimmy! You are giving me a feeling you have never seen a furry before."

Jim responded with disbelief. "How could he be your brother?" Maria sighed. "My parents adopted him, Jim," Maria said softly. "How could they adopt _him_? He looks scary." Maria gasped. "Jim!" I felt sick. The way Jim asked the question and the question itself made my heart sink. I felt angry and narrowed my eyes.

"His eyes are _red_! He is _evil_!" Jim protested. Maria let anger fill her voice. "He cannot help that! He is _not_ evil! You do not even know him!" My anger was replaced by growing agony within my heart.

_Jim's words stayed with me that night. They will haunt me forever. His words match the thoughts of many people in the world regarding me. That, as well as the endless deaths and writhing agony I have experienced, are my desolation and my ruin. The despised stunt I was involved with is an indirect result of the injustice that countless people carelessly condemn me with. Yet I will not blame others for the mistakes I have made. They are my own doing, I at least know that much._

I turned away as the door opened and they saw me dash for my room. "Shadow, wait! Please stay!" Maria called out as I closed my door and locked it. I threw my weight onto my bed and waited silently. Maria called me with worry. "Shadow?" I resolved to remain silent and I did not respond.

Although my bed softly supported me, it failed to support my pain. My breathing deepened as Maria called me once again. "Shadow, are you going to be all right?" Thoughts attacked my mind with ominous gloom.

_Evil... I look scary. I am evil._ I heard Jim speak up with doubt. "What happened to him?" Upon his question, I had my own thoughts. _'What happened to him?' I am condemned by him, and yet he asks what is wrong with me? Must this arrogant fool fail to realize I have feelings? _Maria snapped back at him. I honestly was surprised when she snapped at him, because I was used to the benevolent and calm angel she always was. "You called him _evil_! That is what happened to him!"

My self control shattered and I started to gasp in quiet sobs. My eyes spilled tears upon my pillow and my sobs became louder. I could not see clearly through my teary eyes, but I did not care. As each sob escaped from my throat my whole form shuddered. Others had commented on my strange crimson eyes, yet only Jim had called me _evil_. At first I was afraid of him, and over time the fear transformed into anger. That anger eventually developed into hate.

I kept my crying down so they would not hear it. _I do not want to scare Maria. She stood up for me. _I wondered in the back of my mind if Jim and Maria would still be friends, as I honestly did not know how well they got along at first. I heard footsteps leave down the hallway. Only silence remained, not a whisper was hushed, not a breath was taken. The silence inspired me to keep crying, and I did so for what seemed a long time.

My relationship with Jimmy refused to improve over the years following our first meeting. His mind never changed, he always considered me worse than Frankenstein's monster. Even now, after the terrible mistake I have committed with Gerald Robotnik, I still feel unjustly hated by him. My reason is rather blunt. He hated me long before that ever happened...

Jim and I stayed cold towards each other, yet something developed between him and my sister. She personally opposed his attitude regarding me, but as they got to know each other more she let his harmful remarks and sneering habits go without complaint. If I ever was to dare blaming my precious sister of committing any mistakes, it would have to be this one.

Maria and Jim started dating in high school, and that only added fuel to the fire that burned persistently between us. Jim became very competitive over Maria's attention and her time.

I often felt as if I was drifting helplessly into the background of her life, and that caused me to miss her more and more. The more I missed her, the more I hated Jim...


	5. The Alien Leader

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter V

_The Alien Leader_

* * *

More and more my life settled into a state of banality, becoming something ordinary and predictable. I had just finished my school year in the fourth grade. I had an easier time with the task of ignoring Jim and his comments, but I missed Maria's company. My sister was still there for me, but I did not interact with her as I used to. She seemed distant and distracted, too occupied with other things to console me and worry about me.

I was very dependant in my childhood. Maria was drifting from my life like a stray kite swaying through the air on a determined gale. My birthday was around the corner and she was absent, spending time with her friends.

I had invited my three best friends over for a sleepover party. My friends were ones I had gotten to know over the years in school. Through the years we would sit together at lunch, stay together during 'recess', and try to take life as it came day after day.

Recess was profoundly hindered, as was life on the colony. I lived without nature at first, without blue skies and white puffy clouds, without rain and dull grey days, without pleasant trees, without robins and cardinals, and without the rustling of grass under my feet. I dreamed about what life would be on the blue and white marble far below the colony in which I was trapped.

My best friends were a skunk, a rabbit, and a human. The skunk was Mark Clover. His name was ironic, with him being a skunk and his last name being that of a flower! I know that his simple, beastly relative could spray potent, stinking fluids up to two meters away, but he never had any odor. There was no need for the black and white skunk with amber eyes to ever use it. Mark was easygoing and friendly, which was very much like me.

The rabbit was Alex Gardener. He had brown fur and floppy ears, and vigilant green eyes. His personality was one of care and control, and he was rather clever. He was tall, and stayed that way the whole time I knew him.

The human was John Bonji. He was short, but he also was strong and ruddy. He had black eyes and light brown skin, which was typical since his parents were from Korea. His father was an engineer that worked on the colony. Johnny had a sense of humor that always lightened my mood and eased the feelings all of us had.

My reason for remembering after I turned eleven is because of an encounter that I had with someone, or rather, _something _that tried to convince me to turn my back on the world and join his forces of corruption and death. Seeing him was an eccentricity, and he appeared to be some sort of apparition, like a wraith. The creature that I mention is someone that arrived on the Earth with forces of destruction that brought fire and chaos to this world. His name is Black Doom.

I was wandering aimlessly through the colony one day when I got on an elevator to explore the ARK. The elevator door closed upon me and the sensation of weight pulled down on my stomach as the elevator ascended. I heard the whir of the elevator as it lifted me for about a minute and then stopped to open on a new level. As I felt a brief gust of wind brush my face, I peered out the door and saw dull hallways of metal and rust. The light was dim as I stepped off of the elevator.

I happened to be on a storage level of the colony. I stepped forward and glanced at the steel walls. My throat tightened as my mind filled with anxiety. A large area in the wall was open, showing a secondary hallway that should have been sealed off from the main hallways.

Curiously I wandered into the corridor and found in the dim light a door was open. My steps tapped against the metal of the floor and echoed softly in my ears. I approached the door and entered a small room to investigate. The room was small and empty, but as I turned around the door closed on me! A gasp escaped my lips as I jumped in panic. My stomach felt heavy and the room suddenly lurched up. I realized that I was on an elevator.

My breathing became shallow and my eyes wandered around the room. Next to the door was a panel that glowed orange. An idea entered my mind, so I tried pressing buttons on the panel to stop the elevator, but that caused nothing to happen. Suddenly the elevator stopped, and then it moved sideways, carrying me to the left. The doors opened up to reveal a panel of thick glass. In the darkness, green glowing panels were spaced apart and illuminated the elevator. At times I could see wires and ventilation ducts sprawling across the dull, steel-blue walls in between the green light.

After minutes passed, the elevator stopped again where the elevator shaft widened. I pressed my hands against the glass and looked to the left, noticing a large rectangular panel that soon opened in two pieces and pulled apart. The panel was several centimeters thick, and the space between the spreading hatches had teeth that interlocked. The elevator glided through the hatch and out into an empty rift.

I glanced back at the hatch from which I entered, and it was one hatch of a multitude of others that were spaced apart by ten meters, arranged in distinctive rows that spanned to the left and right. Other rows of hatches were stacked on top of one another, and they seemed to extend forever into darkness. I heard a hum from behind me, and turned around only to notice another window of glass behind me. The two solid walls and the ceiling had changed to show smaller windows about one square meter large.

I looked through the windows and realized that the rows of hatches extended above, below, in front of and behind me as two vast walls. The elevator approached the wall opposite of the one I entered and a hatch opened, awaiting my entrance. My mind filled with fear as the hatch closed behind the elevator and I was once again in a narrow hallway like the one I had passed through before. The elevator eventually stopped, and the glass door I was behind slipped open. A hallway was before me, and it was well lit.

A gust of air inspired me to get out of the elevator and its own stuffy atmosphere and venture to the hall. The hallway was cool and clean, fresh air entered my chest as I took deep breaths to calm myself. The way the doors and hatches had opened gave me the impression that they were forcing me to go somewhere...

The elevator shut and I wandered down the hallway into a room. That was when I saw a large, tall, and dark creature floating in front of my grandfather! The creature had two horns on the sides of its head and it did not have legs. It hovered as it watched my dear old man. The creature was wearing a brown robe and chains dangled around its neck. The creature spoke with a deep voice that seemed rough like gravel.

"Gerald Robotnik, I will grant your request if you do a favor for me in return." The creature lifted its hands to its chest in a gesture with long, thick fingers. "What do you need?" my grandfather asked. "My need is simple, Professor. Bring all of the seven Chaos Crystals to me, and I will help you find a way to teach others how to use Chaos Energy." I knew not what Chaos Crystals were, but I lacked trust in giving the Crystals to the ghostly figure. My mind was overwhelmed with consternation upon hearing my hero's response. "Agreed. I will bring the seven Chaos to you for you to teach me the nature of Chaos Energy."

"Very well," the being replied with a chuckle. "I will teach your little hedgehog about Chaos Energy." My heart stopped briefly at that remark. _Hedgehog! Could that be... me?_ "I would like to see him now," the dark being stated as it turned around and saw me standing there like a dumb animal. My blood chilled as I realized what had just happened. I stared at the robed creature as I noticed it had three glowing red eyes, having one in the middle of its face that was larger than the other two. I started gasping and looked for a means of escape, and then I ran down the hall.

The doors and other objects in the hallway whizzed past me and wind firmly pressed against my body. I soon realized as I paused that the hallway did have maps on the wall. I determined where I was and took a left to loose the scary monster. I then turned right after passing four intersections and ran once again. I then turned left and stopped far from any intersections and found an open door to a small corridor, and hid there.

The corridor was only with white walls and had a closet. I closed the door to the corridor, and then I closed the closet door with myself inside. I crouched down behind crates in a corner and stayed there. The darkness and quiet of the closet soothed my nerves.

I glanced at my watch and pressed a button on it to make it glow in an effort to determine the time. My watch indicated that the time was 3:15pm. I sighed. I decided to stay there for another fifteen minutes. When the time went by, I rose up and left the closet to return to the room where my grandfather was. Fortunately, I saw him alone, and fervently ran up to him in panic.

"Grandpa! Help me, please! I don't want to get hurt by that monster!" I clung to his lab coat and watched his eyes. "Shadow, you need to calm down." His voice was determined and steady. I hesitated, and then I noticed that the creature was in the room next to us! I whimpered and grabbed onto my grandfather for comfort.

The beast approached us and pulled me away from Granddad and tried to lift me up, but I wrestled out of its grip and started running. With timing that could not have been more ironic by being contrary to my wishes, I tripped and fell onto the floor. As a large shadow was cast over me, I turned over onto my back and stared the creature in the face. I covered my head with my arms and gasped in fear. The creature lifted me up again, so I decided to capitulate and stayed still.

The creature watched me in a most baleful way that filled me with horror. The alien then raised its hand to stroke my head, running its large hand through my quills. "This is my child, my boy," the creature said. _Me, his child? That can't be true!_ My mind grew lightheaded and my vision blurred as a red light emitted from the alien. My heart started to burn with searing pain. I screamed in terror as I was convinced I was going to die.

I suddenly was jerked away from the alien and I heard Granddad's voice as warm arms firmly held me. "Leave the boy alone! Do not hurt him!" The creature now was a brown blob, as my sight blurred distinct and definite things into indistinct smears. I lost consciousness as my mind filled with darkness, sounds seemed distant, and colors faded into nothing.

My eyes slowly opened and I felt a throbbing ache in my skull. The ache was irritating, so I lifted my arm up to rub my head. I sat up and felt something slip off my chest. _What happened?_ I scanned my surroundings. I was back in my room. I was in my bed and tried to recall what was going on. I then remembered what had happened in a thought that occurred along with my headache. _That alien grabbed me. But why am I in my room? Was that a nightmare?_ I turned my questions over in my mind. I remember pain. _Physical pain can't be felt in a dream._

I heard a sound from the hallway, so I turned my eyes to it. Maria walked up to me in a green dress shirt and placed her hand on my forehead. Her eyes were filled with anxiety. "Shadow, are you feeling alright?" I waited and focused on the feeling of her hand on me. It was cold, and it was gentle. _She must be scared,_ I thought. "I have a headache," I replied with a sheepish grin. Maria gave me a wry smile. "What happened, Maria?" I asked. Maria's face neared mine. "Grandpa told me that he saved you from an alien. Is that true?" My mood sank along with my stomach.

"Yes it is. The alien was holding me. I remember now," I replied as I rubbed my head. "Granddad pulled me out of the alien's arms after it hurt me," I finished. "Hurt you? How?" Maria's blue eyes filled with fear. I sighed. "All I remember is that my head felt sleepy, and then my heart hurt a whole lot. I saw a red light," I answered her.

Maria wrung her hands together. "Shadow?" "Yes, Maria," I responded. "Your quills are red now." I grasped my quill and pulled it in front of my face. "It is?" My quill was black, but it had red on one side of it. I then swallowed after I noticed my arm, which also was red on one side. I glanced at my other arm, which also was red, and then I lifted the blanket on me and found my legs to be red as well.

"What is this? What happened?" My eyes widened as I asked myself. I looked into Maria's eyes. Her eyes dimmed and her mouth was twisted. "I do not know. You looked like that since Grandpa rescued you." A thought entered my imagination. "Is this hair dye?" Maria shook her head. "I do not think so, Shadow." I got out of my bed and walked into the bathroom. I stared in the mirror. I looked scarier than I did before. I frightened myself with the sight I was...


	6. The Three Men

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter VI

_The Three Men_

* * *

My new makeover did not help me very much. Everyone noticed it, and I felt terrible. _As if they would believe that an alien did that to me! _I did not want to lie, but I braced myself and lied to them about what really happened. Reactions varied greatly; anything from an awkward smirk to snickering was what I received.

Some of them asked my grandfather, and they stayed silent about the ordeal when he told them the same thing. The reactions settled down, but there always was that handful of individuals that mocked my story and my ridiculous appearance. I know now that some might have believed me, if Grandpa and I told the truth. Red hair dye _is_ pretty tacky on ebony fur!

Of those that decided to smite me Jimmy was the worst. He found my red fur a true reason that justified his resentment for me. True, I did look frightening and I fear I still do. Being black and red is not a very comforting characteristic! I hate that. I did not mind my appearance before I gained my red stripes. Will this curse ever be lifted from my shoulders is for me to search for. Will the stains of blood on my fur leave me for good?

A whole new chapter in my life had just started, and I was in my final year in elementary school. Although that chapter brought some good changes, it brought one that was bad. That change is one of an intensity that would burn through stone. During a vacation, I believe it was Labor Day, I was changed forever.

Once when I was by myself, I enjoyed my time alone and stared at the Earth. I stared at it often, and quite a few times I watched it with my sister. We would anticipate what the Earth would be like, how it would feel, what it would look like, and other such things. In spite of the suffering people bring upon themselves and the additional torment of plagues, the Earth seems quite harmonious from a distance. It is serene, and a complete deception of an inconvenient truth. Other than the moon, meteor showers, and an occasional comet, nothing was out for us to watch. The sun is too bright and hot to observe, the stars are uninteresting specks that do not flicker, and planets are too small to see.

On that particular day I was in a remote part of the colony. I was on a storage level, far from main hallways and activity in an effort to find peace. I was in a somewhat large room of steel and glass, watching the planet far below my feet. I pressed my black hand against the glass and rubbed it.

It was smooth and cold. In space the temperature can be hot or incredibly cold. Either way, it feels cold, because there is no _heat_. No substance is present to hold heat, so even when it is thousands of degrees, the heat is so dilute it feels freezing. The warmth of the sun can burn something up, but that is heat from radiation, not through touch.

The door to the room startled me with a quick swish and I glanced behind myself to see what was happening. Three large men marched up to me and stood there. They were carrying equipment in toolboxes and were there for a reason. I walked around them and started to leave and said, "Excuse me. I do not mean to bother you, so I will leave now." The first one, who was a burly white human with brown hair and brown eyes, said back, "Wait a minute." I stopped and watched him. I did not want to cause them any trouble. "You are that experiment, aren't ya? The artificial life form, that is you?"

My heart became cold. My throat constricted and I felt pained._ Why are you calling me that? You could be more polite to me._ The second man, also a white human but with red hair, added, "Yeah! That is the Project. I never thought I would see it, though." My heart started to ache. My heart is very soft. I ignored some people, but they always were foolish children. They were adults! _They called me... experiment. Like I am..._ My eyes burned, wishing to spill tears down my face.

The first man said with a smirk, "The Project was started because the lead scientist wanted to find a cure to help his granddaughter. She has a bad immune system." The second man responded. "Wow. I did not know that." The brown haired man retorted harshly. "You don't know anything that is going on around here!" The wolf said nothing.

"Whatever you know, I do know one thing; this thing is broken, we need to fix it," the redhead replied with a sneer. "The Project is black. It has red eyes and red fur. This thing is a demon! It is evil!" The first two men pulled tools out of their boxes, the redhead got a monkey wrench, and the other man produced a crowbar. I whimpered and turned to leave.

Something slammed into my back with terrific force, easily knocking me down. "Get ready for a fixing, Project!" the redhead roared. "You are useless, little monster. Nothing good will ever come from you," the brown haired man said flatly. Tears flew from my eyes. I started to whimper and choked on my own breath. My back burned without ending. Another object struck me, and I saw it before it hit my face. My head lurched back from the impact of the crowbar. My teeth shocked me with pain and I cried out in fear. "No one cares about you, Project! No one likes you!"

I cried through my tears and agony, and that only made both of the men laugh. _Why are they hurting me!? Why!?_ I cried out in pain and anger. The monkey wrench slammed into my leg, causing even more pain. "Worthless!" A fist collided with my arm. "Pathetic!" "Stupid!" I did not have an idea about the pain that was to follow.

"Do us all a favor and die!" They roared. I screamed as tears spilled onto the cold metal floor. I felt a hard weight settle on my back, pinning me to the floor. _NO!!! It hurts! It hurts! Make it stop! _"Is my boot too heavy for you?"

I gritted my teeth and glanced up through my eyes as they spilled tears on my face. "Please... let... me go," I pleaded. The men chuckled. The man stood his weight on my spine, causing it to pop. The pop was the loudest pop I have ever heard. White hot pain surged from my back and slammed into my skull. "AAAUUUGHHH!!! STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!" I screamed.

The crowbar returned for more, and it got just that. After it collided with my arm, my arm snapped. The collision caused my entire body to lurch forward. The pain came in overwhelming waves a moment later as the back of my hand landed limply on the floor! I screamed louder than I could imagine. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"

A boot connected with my head, knocking the breath out of me and ending my scream. Only two of the men hurt me. The third man, the wolf, did not harm me at all. He spoke up to them. "Leave the kid alone." Both of them were laughing. My heart was shattered. I felt agony all across my body and my heart.

I was unable to move under the weight of pain I felt. The men laughed. They found my pain to be amusing. My eyes continued to produce ever more tears that wandered to the floor. I tasted copper in my mouth, and I realized my mouth was bleeding. The pain was excruciating! Only twice did I feel pain in my body with such strength and potency! My spine felt as if it had been cut open. Pain convinced me my arm was literally on fire. I experienced the beautiful mercy of peace as I fell unconscious...

My eyelids lifted slightly, granting me a small crescent of sight. I saw smudges and a familiar, light green color. I blinked and tried to focus my eyes, blurs sharpened into familiar objects. _I must be in my room._ Pain returned to my mind like clockwork, and my arm burned harshly. Looking at it, I noticed that my arm was in a cast. My back felt stiff and that pulled my attention to my torso. My chest was in a plastic tube that pressed firmly on my back and its white surface shined in the light that came from my open doorway.

I turned to see the clock on my nightstand next to the bed. The time was 11:30. The darkness and silence gave me the impression that it was nighttime. I looked down at my arm as it throbbed with pain. Tears glided down my cheeks and my eyes watered when I realized my arm was broken...


	7. The Return of the Two Men

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter VII

_The Return of the Two Men_

* * *

My road to recovery was long and arduous. Having endured the ordeals of the colonel, Black Doom, and the first assault of the men, I was dangling over the maw of a cruel delusion, a delusion of melancholy. I soon grew to believe that I was dross. I felt that I was worthless. My mind was embittered with hatred and agony. My family was there to comfort me, but I felt hopeless at first. My tangible pain would not end for a very long time. It would only worsen...

Returning to school after two weeks of convalescence, I was in a state of dreaminess when my friends approached me for the first time in nearly a month. All of them were anxious and carried tense nerves. All of us were in the sixth grade, and the change in our schooldays was something in which I had little trouble adapting. As I fumbled through my backpack for a pen, I realized one small convenience about my arm's disability. My left arm was broken, so I could still write unhindered.

Alex was the first familiar face I saw. His sharp green eyes focused upon me as I looked back at him, his eyes asked a question for me without a word uttered. "I am alright now. Thanks Alex, but I will be okay. I do not feel like talking about it now." Alex and I returned our attention to the teacher as we proofread sentences on the blackboard and copied them to paper.

Lunchtime that day was the first time I could talk to them. I realized how much and in how many ways I used my left arm in ways I never noticed before. I managed to carry my tray with a little luck, but I considered how much I missed my arm. I used to hold my paper with my left arm when I wrote, I would carry things in both of my arms, I held my knife with my left hand as I cut food. Now my arm was in a sling as a useless extension of my body that hurt dully. I feel empathy for others that must endure the burden of a broken bone. Broken bones hurt far worse than other wounds! The only exception is a bad burn.

I decided to tell the others about my misfortune after I finished lunch, because I knew that after I thought about the men I would lose what little appetite I had. It was Mark who asked about the event. "Shadow? What happened to you? Are you feeling sick?" Mark watched me with his amber eyes. John and Alex stayed silent as they expected an answer.

I looked down at my crippled arm and sighed. "I was alone in the colony sometime on Labor Day weekend. I was just killing time by thinking about life when..." I paused and took a breath. "Three men walked up to where I was sitting. The men were huge, and they were carrying toolboxes full of stuff. I thought I was in their way, so I got up and started to leave the room." My face was somber. "What happened?" John urged me on.

"Two of the men got wrenches from their toolboxes and beat me with them. I was knocked over..." My friends had shocked expressions. "They smashed me in the back, and even hit my face. I was... so scared." My voice broke as I sighed, trying to gather my thoughts. "One of the men then stomped on my back. He broke my spine. I am amazed that I am not crippled. My back hurt so much! And as if that was not enough, the other man smashed his wrench into my elbow and broke my arm." Alex gasped as the others let their mouths gape open.

"My arm... the pain... was terrible. I screamed. I do not like to admit that I screamed like a baby, but I know that anyone who had an arm broken like I did would. The only thing I can compare the pain to is putting my arm in a pile of burning coals. I had burned my arm before when I was little, but it was for an instant. This burn did not go away!"

A tear slipped from my eye as I shuddered. "I sometimes have nightmares about that. I will never feel safe like I used to again. I hate it." Alex and the others spoke up. "We are here for you, Shadow. Do not forget us," Alex stated. Mark and John nodded. Their comforting words made me feel better. I miss them...

That day was just a Monday. It would be weeks more before I could use my arm again.

I remember a particular night when I had a nightmare. The men returned to me in my dreams. I have been suffering with nightmares for a long time. Because of these nightmares, I am reluctant to try resting because I risk encountering another nightmare...

_I opened my eyes, or at least I thought I did. I saw nothing. Black. Darkness. A void. I tried vainly to look around, only to see nothing. It was as if my eyes were still closed. An area before me was shining in the darkness. Desperately, I stood up and rushed to the doorway to escape, but the door stayed still. I got not an inch closer to it, so I ran faster. On the other side of the door, I saw light. The light was peaceful, and I wanted it so badly. My lungs pumped air into my body as I continued running._

_The door hovered just meters ahead of me, mocking my feeble efforts as it stayed out of reach. Soon the gate of light started to drift away, so I panicked and sprinted for it. I could feel wind gust through my fur and my feet shuffle rapidly, but the door drifted farther and farther from me. I tripped as the door became a speck of light in the darkness. I felt my body jolt as I flopped onto the invisible ground beneath me._

_As I staggered back up, I saw three red eyes. My breath froze. The eyes loomed over me as I trembled in fear. The eyes smashed into me and knocked me down as I cried out. I looked back at the light, only to discover that it was gone. What do I do now? How will I escape? The three eyes stared at me as two more large shadows appeared. I fell down under the impact of something one of the shadows was holding as my mind filled with terror. Something else slammed into me and I flew through the darkness._

_I screamed. Laughing seemed to echo in the void of black. I tried to scream again, only to realize that I could not. I then heard the two men talking. "You are that experiment, aren't ya? The artificial life form, that is you?" I started to cry in a torrent of tears. "This thing is a demon! It is evil!" "I am not evil..." I said back softly. _

_"Yes you are!!" The voices snapped fiercely. "Get ready for a fixing, Project!" I emitted a shuddering sob. "You are useless, little monster, nothing good will ever come from you." "No one cares about you, Project! No one likes you!" I shrieked as I was struck by one of the shadows._

_My heart filled with terror. I could not feel physical pain because I was dreaming, but my heart alone ached with agony. I sobbed as the voices composed more insults. "Worthless!" "Pathetic!" "Stupid!" The colonel's voice sounded out. "This thing is stupid, it will not talk." I shuddered with each sob from my chest and gave up to the voices and fears I felt. "I am sorry," I whispered to the haunting echoes. _

_The voices of the colonel, the two men, and Black Doom bellowed in chorus. "Do us all a favor and die!" I realized that I could not breathe. In panic, I clutched my throat and tried to gasp, only to find that I could not. "Do us all a favor and DIE!!!"_

_Tears rolled off my face and down my chest as I fell down on my face, still fighting for life. I choked as I heard the voices again. "DO US ALL A FAVOR AND DIE!!!!!" I could feel warmth leaving my body as my heart grew cold. I heard someone speak one last time. "You are useless, little monster. Nothing good will ever come from you." The seemingly impossibly dark gloom became even darker as I heard my heartbeat slow to a stop... "Do us all a favor and die..."_

I bolted up with a yell as tears slid down my face and cold sweat clung to my trembling body. Someone stepped into my room a moment later. I could not see the person's face, because the only light was from a nightlight in the hallway. The figure approached me and wrapped its arms around me. I heard a gentle voice as I shuddered in its embrace. "Hush, you are alright. I am here, Shadow. It is all over now." I clung desperately onto Maria and emitted sobs as she stroked my head...


	8. Unexpected Help

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter VIII

_Unexpected Help_

_A.N. I have a personal dream somewhere in this chapter. For you Romans and other speakers of Latin out there, it is the revival of Castanea dentata!_

After only one month passed my arm was healed. I felt good about my arm and my spirits lifted skyward. As my life continued, I had an unexpected encounter. On a day when my family and I were going on a much-wanted vacation to the Earth, I saw someone that I would have rather avoided.

It started with all of us getting up early on a Saturday to embark on this trip. After we all had packed and were on our way, we went to a different part of the colony. Out at the colony's edge, there are several spaceports where supplies and people would enter and exit the ultimately small expanse of the colony.

I plodded along after Maria, Mom, and Dad as my parents found their way through the colony to the ports. My suitcase rolled, and its wheels would make many noises as we walked around. The wheels clacked on tile, rumbled on concrete, softly hushed on smooth marble, and zipped on metal grids.

As I got older, being patient and waiting became easier and easier for me to do. After we had climbed aboard a spacecraft that looked like a cross between a jumbo jet and a space shuttle, everyone got in his or her seat and we buckled up. I was very excited to get off of the prison in space where I lived, so my mind raced with thoughts about Earth.

I was not completely alone, as everybody was looking forward to the trip. The inside of our 'plane' looked much like the inside of a passenger jet. I go the seat by the window and peered outside. The 'plane' was still in the docking bay, but it was rolling on its way to the vacuum of space.

Soon the spacecraft was ready to launch, and so the engines roared and the entire ship started rumbling as I felt my body gently push against the seat. The four walls of steel surrounding us vanished in a flash, giving way to the darkness of space. My body felt weightless and I realized why we all were wearing seatbelts!

I looked back at the colony that was just left, and a large horizon of near black speckled with lights slowly drifted behind the ship. The lights seemed to be stars, but the multitude of stars we saw did not move while the lights did. The planet below was dark, since we were above the dark side of the Earth.

I glanced at Maria sitting next to me, who was also looking out the window, so I focused again on the view and sat back some for her to see out also. The window was quite thick since it needed to be airtight in a vacuum and endure the blazing heat of reentry. The colony no longer appeared to be a horizon, but a curve with a definite edge. It continued to gradually shrink. I guessed that we were going very fast, since there is no drag in space and the colony was shrinking so much.

One whole hour passed. The blackness of space was above us, with the thin atmosphere below. The Earth was now a giant orb of dark blue and grey as the once black sky became a dark navy blue color. The ship was on an ocean of air, and many kilometers spanned between the four of us and the ground. The ARK was but a speck in the sky, a small white dot that was dwarfed by the nearby crescent of the Moon.

The sky became blurred as we continued to descend. I could barely hear a hissing noise from outside as the weight of my body started to return ever so slowly. I glanced at Maria. "Maria?" Maria looked at me from behind a book she was reading. "What is it?" I pointed out the window. "What is happening?" I asked worriedly. "I do not know, Shadow," Maria said with a shrug.

I relayed my question to Dad. His response was a pause, a look out the window, and a brief conclusion. "The spacecraft is hitting against the top of the atmosphere. This will be like being baked alive. Get ready for a heat wave, buddy!" The shuttle rumbled, causing me to glance out of the window. A dim red glow was beneath the shuttle that soon grew orange as flames of red started to lick upwards and a rumble sounded.

The glow beneath us was yellow and the flames grew higher and higher, soon enveloping the entire shuttle. The flames cast an orange light through the window and the air in the cabin became warm. I gasped as the rumble became a steady roar and the shuttle vibrated constantly. The air of the cabin started to waver and grew hot. The whole shuttle started to rattle my bones. I looked outside again, finding that I could not see through a thick curtain of fire that danced upwards. My fur felt sticky as I started sweating.

The orange glare dimmed, and I could see the dark navy color of the night sky. Patches of clouds that looked like cotton floated below us as we cruised through the air. I looked back at my sister. She had taken her mask off and slipped her arm around my shoulder, giving me a nervous little laugh. I looked back with a smirk. "That was... hot!" I exclaimed, a bead of sweat crawling down my forehead. We glided down to the airport to land as I wiped a drop of sweat off my muzzle...

* * *

The surprise occurred after I had gotten off the shuttle with the others. We had gotten our luggage at the baggage claim and waited at the airport entrance for a bus. As we waited outside on a bench, I stared in awe at the sky. The stars I am so familiar with transformed completely. Each of the cosmic lights in the sky flickered in display that I enjoyed to the fullest. The stars twinkling was the first sight of Earth I have ever known. It was only the beginning.

A gust of wind rustled the leaves of a nearby tree and brushed my frame. I sighed with content as a smile briefly formed on my face. That first glimpse of nature is a memory I cherish. It is a shame that so many individuals are too caught up in themselves or their frantic lives to just pause and admire the beauty in this world...

Later we had climbed onto a bus and after we had gotten off at a storage place, I met someone again. I was alone, because Maria was getting a snack at a local bistro, Mom and Dad were talking to people in the storage office, and I was venturing to the bathroom. I had wandered down a hallway to three doors, two of which were bathrooms. The bathroom was typical, having several stalls, sinks, waste bins, and other such things.

I had finished my business at a urinal and turned around as a large shadow settled over me. The cause of the shadow was but a meter behind me, and spotting it caused me to jump a foot. A large wolf was behind me, watching me intently and dwarfing my small frame with his own massive one. No, the wolf was not a wild beast on all fours with fangs bared and drool glistening on his sharp teeth; the wolf was a man. The sight of him standing there still surprised me.

My first impulse was to run, but he had completely blocked my only escape route. The imposing figure spoke with an oddly familiar voice. I had heard it before, but my mind took a second to recall where. The _where_ part of it struck me with panic. The size of this man, his voice, and his blue eyes added up. This was the wolf that was with those two men that broke my arm! _NO! Stay calm! Stay calm! Stay calm!_ Even as I thought this, my breaths shrank into shallow gasps and my heart raced as cold sweat washed over my skin.

The wolf asked me "Are you alright?" I was too stunned to speak. The wolf sighed and then added reluctantly, "Look, I am... really sorry about what those two men did to you. I apologize for that. Can I make that up to you?" I nodded in reply without thinking, but it caused the wolf's eyes to seemingly soften. At first I feared the wolf, but his efforts got through to my heart. I started to trust him. He would babysit me sometimes when my parents would let him, he bought me ice cream, and he really seemed to care about me. I bonded with the wolf for the following year.

* * *

A day passed since the encounter in the bathroom. My family had taken me to a national park in Virginia, Shenandoah National Park. The purity of nature there was breathtaking. I felt fulfilled there. The first night we had checked in to a little cottage in the heart of the wilderness.

The cottage was small, only having three small bedrooms and two bathrooms, a small kitchen, and a lounging area. One of the bedrooms was in a loft upstairs along with a tiny bathroom. Below the loft were the other bedrooms and a bathroom. The lounge in front was open clear to the roof of the cabin, and a large window in front of the lounge gave an almost panoramic view to the outside greenery above. The loft had an open view to the window, giving a great view away for eager eyes to watch.

I sat out on the front outside deck as I drank a glass of lemonade and marveled at the ambient melody nature performed. That afternoon I set my glass down and headed for the two giant trees in front of the cottage. Beyond the two natural sentries a field stretched out into the open, where a gravel road led to the tavern at the front of the camp.

The chill of the night is soothing to me. At times I feel lucky to have this thick, ebony fur. Where my family would be bundled up in thick coats, thick socks and long pants, I would feel fine with no more than jeans and a long sleeve shirt.

The end of summer had passed, and the leaves of the trees were starting to yellow. The trees were pretty, but three of them towered in might above the others. These large trees were massive; the trunk of one of them looked at least six meters around! The sunlight was bright and golden, and it danced as the leaves rustled in the wind.

One tree had a massive trunk with rough bark that was light gray in color, almost like chalk. Limbs opened up above and sprawled out across the sky in a rounded crown of deep green leaves. The air was cool and calm in the shelter of the tree, and I noticed the shade as twigs and decaying leaves crunched beneath my footsteps. A faint thump and rustling of leaves startled me. I looked down at my feet and saw a small yellow acorn bounce on the ground. The nut was not ripe.

I glanced skyward at the screen of swaying leaves, which were silvery green underneath. I concluded with a soft smile that the mighty oak towering above me was ancient, having silently witnessed the passing of many years and generations.

Later I asked a park ranger about the oak. He chuckled as he stroked his brown beard. He wore glasses, a ranger hat, and a green uniform. His voice carried a Southern accent that pulled at the vowels in his words like they were taffy.

"The tree is a white oak. That giant is what we call 'Old Mighty'. That there tree is three _hundred_ years old." My mouth gaped open with a gasp and the ranger let out a hearty laugh as he saw my reaction. "Mighty is far older than even my great, great grandfather, and he was born in 1851!" He exclaimed. I wonder if Old Mighty is still alive, looking the same as it did those forty years ago, towering above everything else and reaching for the sun...

After I returned from admiring the giant oak, I ran up into the loft were Maria was sleeping. Up a flight of stairs, the loft was secluded in its own zone. The stairs started behind the lounge area and traversed behind it, parallel to the wall at the front of the cabin. At the top of the stairs, one side of the loft was enclosed in a bathroom, and the rest of the loft went by that bathroom to two small beds at the back of the loft. Looking from the front, the bathroom was at the front right side of the loft, and the stairs went down in front of the small room.

Since I planned to go back outside, I kept my sneakers on, making padded steps against the carpet as I approached Maria's bed. I first thought that she was sleeping. A turn of her eyes in my direction showed otherwise.

She let out a yawn, her mouth opened wide like a rose in full bloom. "Maria?" I asked softly. Her blue eyes gave me attention. "There is a giant tree just outside. Do you want to go outside and look at it?" Rays from the sun highlighted her back through the window behind her, making her face seem darker. She nodded, causing me to jump in anticipation. I waited for her to put her shoes on, and then we walked outside. I chattered excitedly as I opened the door into the cool and fresh autumn air.

The outside was an allurement to me. I spent a lot of time outside as we stayed at the cabin. As we walked across the small deck, I paused. I turned around and smiled back at Maria. "The Earth is so cool! Everything here is alive!" I yelled in triumph, causing Maria to laugh. I grabbed her hand and we raced down the stairs to the variegated ground below.

Leaves rustled under a pair of footsteps as we ran to the front side of the cabin where the giant old oak was. The tree was secluded by smaller ones, but Maria noticed it as we approached. "You were not joking, Shadow. That... is huge." Maria marveled at the sight of the tree.

I ran up to the tree and leaned against its solid trunk, propping my arms behind my head as I looked back at my sister. "Maria?" Maria's golden hair swayed as she glanced at me. "How old do you think this giant is?" Her face contorted in thought as she stared at me. "I don't know. Maybe it is a hundred years old." I could not help grinning, and she noticed. "What is so funny? One hundred years _is_ old!" She kept a lingering scowl on her mouth.

I started to laugh. After knowing the age of the tree, her guess seemed to be a bit young! Maria stepped up to me, patches of sunlight glimmered on her head. "Shadow! What is the big deal?" She stopped in front of me. "This tree is a white oak. It is proof of what Dad told me one time." Maria sat down on the soft moss of a root of the stately tree that protruded above the ground before plummeting into the earth below.

"Why is that?" I looked from the shady canopy of leaves to her beautiful eyes. "Mighty oaks from little acorns grow." A gust of wind caused the leaves to rattle in chorus before settling down a moment later. The crescendo of the performance faded into silence as birds chirped in the distance. It was as if Nature agreed with my answer.

"The Declaration of Independence... is one hundred and ninety two years old. This oak is..." Maria leaned forward to hear me. "...Three hundred years old," I finished. "How do you know?" Maria asked after a moment of silence. "A park ranger told me." Maria thought about the answer I had provided. "How does the park ranger know?" I thought for a moment.

"A scientist found out how old it is. He estimated with the size of the oak, and then he drilled a core from the tree." Maria let her eyes wander back from my own to the ancient tree. Maria smirked at me, causing me to stop daydreaming and stare back at her. "What is so funny?" I asked with a grin. Maria looked into my eyes mockingly. "Oh, it is nothing," she replied as she stroked strands of her hair back from her face. "...Tree hugger." My grin disappeared as my eyes widened. Maria then added with a playful sneer, "I mean; you like a _tree_."

"Is that a crime?" I retorted as I arched my eyebrow. "Tree hugger," Maria teased. A twig snapped. I looked back at Maria just in time to witness an acorn bonking her head. "Ouch! Hey!" I looked above her to see if a squirrel or bird was causing the mischief, only to see the fingered leaves swaying lazily with the wind. As I continued to watch the branches, I spotted a grey squirrel with two acorns in its paws and another clamped in its mouth. The fuzzy critter dropped another, and it looked down as it fell, making an angry little barking noise.

"What was that for?" Maria asked me angrily as she rubbed her head. I pointed with my thumb back at the trunk that I was leaning against with a smirk. "A fuzzy squirrel did not like your comment. It dropped a nut on you," I replied with a soft laugh that gradually grew louder. Maria looked up incredulously and saw a small brownish face watching her from a branch above. My sister joined me as we both laughed in a loud chorus to the wind around us.

I guess I am a tree hugger, but I cannot help it. In this bleak world of glass and steel, asphalt and concrete, something as pretty and serene as a tree is a nice blessing to have...

In addition to the giant oak, there were two other equally impressive trees that were alive and well. One of the trees was near the oak. This tree had bark that was the color of dark chocolate and was severely furrowed. The tree had fruits that looked like slightly fat limes, stray ones were hanging on the branches and dozens more littered the ground.

The leaves of the tree were impressive. The leaves each had many leaflets, which were attached in a row to stalks that were half a meter long. The leaves yellowed and several were falling onto the ground, the little leaflets separated from their leafstalks. The crown of the tree looked like a mass of gold.

The 'limes' smelled pungent. Dad thought they smelled too strong, but I found the smell to be rather pleasing. The aroma was somewhat spicy, smelling like newly mown hay. The green balls of leather had brown and much wrinkled round fruits that were hard like rocks. The leather husks were full of pulp and dye that was orange and brown, but it did not show up on my black fur, although it did stain my skin yellow. I recall that Dad called the tree a black walnut.

I tried to eat a few by using a hammer, but it was frustrating. I could not get the nut meat out in one piece because the stupid shell went in between the parts of nut meat, but each little nibble of the nut was worth the effort. The meat was sweet and ...nutty. You may not understand my desire for nature, but you certainly did not grow up as the prisoner of a boring soda can floating in space!

The third tree was not like the other two. The tree was not really so massive, but it was tall. The tree was a towering, straight pole that made even the massive oak and walnut appear short. I guess it was 40 meters tall, or about 130 feet. I remember waking up to it for the first time and finding brown needle leaves scattered on the ground. The tree was a thick gray pillar that rose ten meters into the air before its first branches jutted out.

The lowest branches were bare, and the ascending ones were longer than the ones below them. The branches that were halfway up to the top of the tree had needles. The branches were arranged in such a way that they erupted from the trunk at the same height in distinct rows. I noticed a smell that I had never smelled before. The smell was unique, but it had a hint of spearmint to it. The other trees around it were the same type of tree, but not as tall as this giant. The needles of the tree were delicate tufted sprays of bluish-green, and they climbed skywards in a steeple shape.

The tall evergreen swayed with the wind, and its tip seemed to tickle bellies of the fluffy clouds in the blue sky. A brief wind rushed around me, and the tree did not sing the same way the oak and other trees did. Instead of rattling and shaking leaves, it had a different song. Its needles flowed with the wind in a graceful way and made a soft hushing noise, like soft whistling. I was enjoying the tree's melody when a snapping noise startled me, causing my ears to twist towards the sound.

A branch as thick as my arm hit the ground. It seemed to bounce as the wood in it flexed from the impact with the layers of needles beneath. Blue-green needles were on it in thick plumes, and the smell of spearmint strengthened. On the branch's end were several brown woody things that were long and skinny like bananas. The objects had scales that overlapped, and clear and white liquid oozed on the scales. I looked up to make sure the tree would not break more limbs, and approached the branch. I poked one of the woody things and the liquid stuck to my finger like honey, inciting an annoyed moan from my mouth. A laugh from behind me caused my form to jump.

Dad was walking up to me with a grin on his face. "What are you doing, kiddo? Find yourself in a sticky situation, I see." He chuckled as his amber eyes flicked over my hand and the woody thing on the branch. I instinctively raised my sticky fingers to my nose and sniffed. The smell was like nothing I had ever smelled before! The minty smell was strong and fresh in my nose, compelling me to rub my fingers together to enhance the scent even more. I took a deep sniff to savor the cool fragrance. I let out a content sigh, resulting in a reply from my father. "I see you like your meeting with white pine," he chortled. My relaxed ears perked up. "Pine?" I asked.

"Pine is a certain tree with cones." I arched an eyebrow, unfamiliar with his terms. "The pine is an evergreen tree -a tree that does not drop all of its leaves in the winter- with leafs that look like tied up bundles of needles and makes cones, like the one your hand got sticky on." I picked up a sticky 'cone' and examined it. The thin scales were spread out like petals on a flower, but they were stacked on each other in rows. A brown stalk about four centimeters long curved off the top end of the sticky object, and under the scales were tiny round seeds that had feather things attached to them. As I tilted the cone to look under it, a little seed fell out and started to spin as it floated away from me and landed on the ground. "Why do the seeds spin, dad?" I looked into his observant eyes of amber.

"The spinning makes them fall slowly, Shadow. Wind pushes them around as they fall so they can spread out and become more little pines." I did not notice at first, but a little pine with blue needles about a meter high was next to my father. The springy sapling looked like a tiny Christmas tree. I noticed my dad was soon appreciating the minty aroma as he took a long sniff of the air. I remembered his comments on the walnut tree not long before.

"At least you like the smell of white pine," I commented. Dad turned to face me. "What makes you say that?" he responded. I held up a finger in gesture to a fact. "You do not like the smell of walnut," I replied with a laugh. "It smells strong! I do not like the smell of hickory either," he added as he rubbed his chin. "Hickory? What is a hickory?" I responded. "Hickory is a cousin of walnut. It has several leafs on one leafstalk like walnut, and has edible nuts."

I turned around as I heard a bird chirp and the fluttering of wings. The bird flew into a tree that was spire shaped, but the needles on it were small and dark green, almost black. The dark silhouette of the trees stood out like a sore thumb among the orange and golden leaves around us. It was among others of its kind and the grove of them cast a shade of darkness on the ground.

"Dad, what are those?" I said. Dad looked up as he was holding a branch of the little pine. I pointed to guide him to the trees of black. "Those are hemlocks, Shadow." I paused on his answer. "Isn't hemlock the poison that Socrates killed himself with?" I wondered aloud. "There is a small herb of the same name that is poisonous, but the hemlock tree is not related, and it is edible."

I wandered casually to the black trees, and as I approached realized the dark intensity of their shade. I went into the grove. The ground was dim and dull. Trunks of the trees were cinnamon brown and had shallow ridges winding vertically on them. The lighter shade of the woods surrounded the grove in red and golden ambience. Many tiny flat needles were littering the ground, and tiny egg-shaped cones were here and there. "Father, is hemlock a cousin of pine?" I asked as the thought wandered through my mind. "Yes, they are related."

The shade of the dark hemlocks was not burdening or oppressive; it was actually calming and quiet. I saw a chipmunk run along the branches of a hemlock, holding a little cone in its mouth. I smiled as the critter made a crunching noise and watched me, its cheeks fat with cone scales. I then noticed the underside of the needles as I looked at the bright sky through the top of the trees. The needles were white underneath, in two bands on their undersides. I thought the white pine and the hemlocks were beautiful.

There was one other tree that was a giant. I noticed it behind the cottage, surrounded by smaller oak trees. The tree was bare, and at first I thought it had already dropped its leaves, but I later found out it was dead. The tree had the same form as the Mighty Oak, but the bark was tan and furrowed. Pieces of it fell of the mammoth trunk, revealing sandy-brown wood beneath. The wood had what looked like termite holes in it.

I decided to show the tree to Dad. As we walked under the shade of the numerous oaks, I noticed that some of the oaks had white scaly bark with rounded leaves, and others had black bark that was roughly furrowed with pointy leaves. I was not sure the latter were oaks, but the scarce acorns on their branches proved they were. Patches of sunlight were spaced between them, and leaves were thick on the ground. The sunny patches had islands of grass in an ocean of leaves and scrawny bare bushes.

When Dad first laid eyes on the dead titan of wood, he hastened his pace and rustled leaves as he walked right directly to it. "Shadow," Dad started. "Do you know what this is?" I shook my head and watched him for a reply. My father noticed a small branch sticking out of the bottom of the trunk and rubbed it with his fingers. A couple of leaves clung to the sprout, and the leaves were shaped like a wide feather. The leaves were orange and brown, ready to fall of the tree. The leaves were long, they had distinctive veins that were parallel to each other but angled towards the front of the leaf, and the veins ended in distinctive triangular, pointed teeth. "Son, this is a dead American Chestnut. It is a cousin of oak."

I stepped on something hard that rolled under my foot, causing me to nearly fall over. I looked down and saw a thing about the size of a baseball that was spiny and round like a hedgehog - like me! The thing was split down the middle, and a thing that looked like an acorn was inside of it. I gingerly picked up the object and pulled it open with my hands, and in it were three nuts that were shiny and brown. The nuts looked like acorns, but they were flattened on the sides to fit together, the middle one was flattened on two sides.

I pulled them out of the spiny husk and looked at them closely. The nuts were fuzzy with white hairs, and they each had a little white tail on their pointed tips. I looked up at Dad, and he smiled back. "You have a souvenir, kid. Do not take any more, because this is a protected area." The husk of the nuts was woody like an acorn cup, and it had points where the nuts attached to it. The husk was sort of like a cup that folded over the acorn.

"Why did it die?" I asked. Dad looked up in awe to the thick limbs of the tree that much like an oak sprawled over the sky in a dome shape. Dad answered me as he continued to search the bare branches of the tree. "A disease killed it. The disease is one from Asia. People here call it chestnut blight. It has killed nearly every last chestnut that was easily countless in number fifty years ago.

Before the blight came in 1904, there were even more chestnuts in 1800 than later in 1900. A disease called root rot killed billions of chestnuts in the warmer places after 1850. The blight following it killed billions more." Dad pointed in a direction behind the tree and down a small slope. I gasped as I saw what was below us. A sloping hill joined many sloping hills, and they were covered in an entire forest of dull, dead trees. As far as I could see in that direction, the landscape out to the very horizon was a grey, cheerless graveyard that was a vast ocean of skeletons...

I saw two trees in the distance that had orange leaves in the grey gloomy trees, and turned back to Dad. "Dad," I said with a hint of determination. "I will be right back." I rushed over to the orange landmarks. The grey limbs and trunks spread over rocks, fallen branches and ditches that I jumped over and weaved through in blazing speed, making the outlines blurry.

In order to run fast and do it well, I must act quickly, lest I trip and fall into a hole or trip over a log. I skidded over leaves to a stop and fell over a pile of rocks, causing my body to thud into the ground. My head jolted as I landed gracelessly and sent a dozen leaves and twigs into the air. "Gah!" I yelped as my skull hit the blunt earth. If it was not for the carpet of leaves the landing would have hurt worse. I cursed the rock I tripped on in my head.

The smell of cool damp earth was around me, and I scrambled, placing my scraped hands against the ground to stand up. My hands and knees stung with pain, but I had gotten to my goal. The trees had ended up only meters away from me. Cool soil collected on my knees and arms that took my fall. I brushed myself off. _I will wash it off later._

My shoes had untied, so I squatted down to tie them. Deciding that I would remove them when I got home, I tied them in a simple bow. I looked over the ground to find any prickly husks, but not finding any, I wandered closer to the tree and looked again. Plenty of pointy chestnut leaves were littering the ground, but no husks were anywhere.

I looked into the branches in a continued effort to find any chestnuts. I had a reason to look at the trees. _Since there are two trees still alive in this dead forest of chestnuts, maybe they are two of a kind. They might have a strong immune system like the one my designers gave me_. Husks were on the branches in clusters. There were twin, triplet, and even quadruplet husks on the ends of the many branches. I wanted to get two husks from each of the two wonder trees, to keep as a trinket or plant later. The husks were green, yellow and brown.

I sighed. _If only some where on the ground!_ As if God had heard my wish, a twig snapped overhead and a husk plopped on the leaves at my feet! The husk was greenish yellow, and I picked it up. I then had an idea. Placing the husk back on the ground, I pressed it between the heels of my feet in an effort to split it open.

It took a while for me to achieve breaking the husk open. I picked up the four nuts and examined them. They were whitish in color, a creamy white. I shoved them deep into my pocket and dashed over to the tree's mate. Chestnut usually has three nuts in a husk, but it can have two, three, or four nuts. A certain type of chestnut, called a chinquapin, is not a big tree and has only one nut in each husk.

After my little adventure of nut gathering, I looked around to spot my father. He stood as a small shape among the trees. I rushed back over to him, eager to go home and ask my science teacher at school about my nutty discovery. Maybe I will help people who miss the chestnut grow a new forest... with white oaks, black walnuts, pines, and hemlocks too! Diversity, I have been taught, makes an ecosystem more stable. After all, standing on two feet is more stable than standing on one...

* * *


	9. An Age of Grief

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter IX

_An Age of Grief_

* * *

I had gathered twenty nuts from the chestnut trees back in Virginia, and I was eager to show my science teacher at school. My teacher was Mrs. Brooks. She was a kindhearted soul, but she was harsh on rowdy students when discipline was necessary. She was my favorite teacher in the sixth and seventh grade. The return to my abode in the colony was not welcomed in itself. After the exploring and admiration of the forest, the colony was bleak and depressing.

I consider reward to be a piece of chocolate. The chocolate is sweet, but it melts away in moments and leaves a bitter taste in its place after it has expired. But then again, if one had chocolate all of the time, would it then be typical? Would its regularity make it normal, therefore not rewarding and instead taken for granted? I find part of the pleasure in waiting for a new idea to blossom or an event to occur in simply the anticipation for it.

The forest was that chocolate. It did more than leave a deploring taste in my heart, because I also cherished the memory. The color and unadulterated natural essence of that part of Virginia was something entirely new to me. I realized that my sister enjoyed and shared my passion. The only natural things that exist on this colony can be placed on a brief list!

Every Sunday I would go to church. The dosage of nature exhilarated me, causing me to forever find the artistic values in all things natural that God created. Evolution has tried again and again to make me drop the artistic value and accept the claim that people, trees, flowers, birds, butterflies and everything else started from rocks and carbon just on its own. Richard Dawkins himself will not sway me!

The natural world is beautiful. If evolution was simply to function well, why are trees and plants so beautiful, even if they had no flowers to attract pollinators? Evolution with its claim that visual attraction is for mating and survival is too hollow and trivial an explanation to satisfy me.

If that was even half true, trees and other plants would not be pretty as they are without flowers. The sky would not be a calming color of blue, and the grass a soothing shade of green. The four seasons would not each have contrasting colors in blossoms, autumn leaves, and snow. Birds would not sing songs that people often perceive as melodious. 'No, that is ridiculous! Obviously everything is a simple coincidence!' I am rambling on. I apologize.

Mrs. Brooks was pretty. She was a white woman, sporting fiery red hair and bright green eyes. Her curled hair was down to her back, and she had a pleasant face. She wore a dress shirt and a skirt with rather short high heels and had black framed glasses. I walked into her class after the last period ended with my pocket full. She was at her desk grading more assignments. "Ms. Brooks?" I asked as I plopped my backpack into a desk. She looked up at me through her glasses.

"Hi, Shadow. How are you?" She stopped speaking when she noticed my giddy smile. She grinned slyly. "And what are you up to?" She asked as she placed her hands to her hips and stood up. I deliberated on a reply. _What should I say?_ I thought. "Nothing," I replied. "Are you up to no good, Shadow?" She arched an eyebrow. "Hmmm. Maybe," I said back jokingly. She laughed at my response.

I opened my pocket and pulled out my three chestnut seeds and presented her my clenched fuzzy fist. "What do you have, kid?" I opened my hand and revealed the three shiny brown chestnuts. Mrs. Brooks took the little seeds. "What are these? Are these acorns?" "Good guess," I replied. "But they are not acorns. They are cousins, though." She watched me for an answer, or at least for me to say what I thought they were. "The seeds are American chestnuts," I answered. "Chestnuts!? Shadow, they are beautiful! Where did you find them?" "I found these outside of Shenandoah National Park, in Virginia."

She poked at the little tail of one of them. "Aw! They are so cute! They are fuzzy and have little tails!" She cooed. The tail she was poking broke. "Whoops! Sorry, Shadow," she said. "I know the tails are brittle. That is okay, the tail is not needed for the nut to sprout," I noted. I vacillated, deciding to let her keep the nuts. "You can keep them." "Thank you, Shadow! You are so sweet!" I reached behind my ear and scratched it as the back of my neck burned and the heat traveled to my cheeks. "Gee, I have been told that before," I remarked with a blush.

"Because it is true!" She boasted. As if my blush was not enough to endure, she hugged me tight. My cheeks sure were burning then! Alex had come into the room and teased me with a point of his finger and laughter. I glared at him with a smile. He dropped his bag on the floor and walked over to us. "Shadow, what did you do to Mrs. Brooks? She has gone mad! She is hugging you!" The teacher stood back from me, giving me room to breathe. I felt embarrassed!

Mrs. Brooks held her hand out a meter from Alex and teased him as she swayed her head to a rhythm. "I-have-chest-nuts. You-doo-noh-oht," she sang like a mocking child, causing Alex and me to erupt in uproarious laughter. She was so funny! Alex retorted with a smile after he regained his breath.

"Yes I do! I know what kind those are, too! They are Chinese chestnuts..." Alex trailed off as Mrs. Brooks shook her head. "They are Japanese chestnuts." Nope. She shook her head again. "Spanish?" Wrong! "They are hybrids." She gave him a hard look. "Those can't be American! American chestnuts died out years ago! They are plenty of stumps and sprouts, but none of them reproduce." "_Very_ _few_ of them reproduce." I corrected him. Mrs. Brooks sang again like small children. Her eyes closed and she had a smug grin on her lips as she sang. "I-have-chest-nuts. You-doo-noh-oht. Hah-hah, hah-hah-hah!" Alex and I burst out in laughter a second time.

One of the chestnuts I gave her had a hole in it the size of a BB. "Miss Brooks, if a worm comes out of the chestnut, does that mean it is rotten?" "No. Acorns have worms too. They stink when they are rotten. A beetle called a chestnut weevil plants eggs in the acorns." _That makes sense,_ I thought. _It must bother chestnut too._ "Stupid bug," I cursed the bug. Mrs. Brooks chided me.

"No Shadow, they are good!" "How can killing the chestnut and acorns be good?" I argued. "If one or two worms come out of the chestnut, you will be fine anyway; it will still sprout. The worms are snacks for turkeys and cute little birdies!" The bell was about to ring. Other students wandered into class. Alex was my only close friend in Mrs. Brooks' class, as well as the teacher herself.

It was Christmas break in no time. The sixth grade went by faster than the fifth grade, and each year afterward would go faster still. The wolf I met again on Earth showed up one day when Mom and Dad had to go someplace that night. They were back before midnight, but they wanted someone to feed me. That is where the wolf came in. One day before Thanksgiving, he turned up. I still was suspicious of him, since he associated with the two men who assaulted me and broke my arm. It was one month since I last saw him, and three months after madmen with crowbars had brutally beaten and tortured me.

I still feel the pain they caused me; it is a weight in my heart. It is one weight of many I must bear. And it is the third weight I have received. There were eleven more waiting for me, of which five I would be victim to before most people ever knew I stopped the chaos I helped start...

He helped my parents with things at work, so my father knew him. That is what Dad said, anyway. The wolf was a mechanic. His job explains the tools his workmates carried and used on me. At first he helped me with my homework when dad had overtime assignments and mom was at appointments or parent teacher meetings. The first time he showed up at home is one of the only times I remember.

My room changed very little as I grew up, at least on the colony. A desk was added next to the door for me in school, since the bed is not a good writing surface. Curtains were on the window near my bed so I could block the sun out if I wanted darkness. My room, as you may have guessed, was a light green color that was easy on the eyes.

School had ended once again and I had dropped my backpack on the floor, causing a large thud that caused me to chuckle. _I mean, what are the people downstairs thinking right now as their ceiling jolts and makes a loud racket!? _I could imagine the confused glances upwards at the platform my backpack landed on as they were eating or something.

I had gotten out my stupid, hateful textbook and placed it on my desk, searching then for a pencil and paper that were buried in the junk I carried all day. I measured my heaviest textbook I had on a scale at school in science class. It weighed just over THREE KILOGRAMS! That is SEVEN POUNDS! I recall it was the book for world history. I did not hate the class, but I hated its textbook. Fortunately, I did not have to carry it every day.

The high-school student's backpack, what a marvel and mystery that science will never prove, but the mothers of teenagers will always know! It eats your stuff. I always would clean it out at the end of every year and find crumbled and ripped papers and crushed note cards that I could not find when I needed them. I have said to the awaiting teacher that wanted my supply check-off sheet that my _backpack_ ate it! My joke was laughed at by my classmates, but not the teacher.

Soon after I had found the chapter among the countless pages in the mass of paper, Dad called me to tell me about the wolf. He told me about the wolf the day before he would show up to babysit me. I was still suspicious about him, but the suspicion waned as I became familiar with him. He walked in on me one day when I was stuck on a language arts assignment. I cannot remember what the stupid problem was, but he got me out of the rough spot. I was startled when he showed up and stood at the frame of my bedroom door.

"What?" I paused as his blue eyes locked on me. "What are you doing here?" "I am here to take care of you, remember?" His eyebrow raised in gesture. I paused to recollect what my father had told me the day before. "Okay?" "Can I help you with that?" His eyes glanced over at my textbook. "Yes. I would like some help." "Um, sir?" I asked. "Yeah, Shadow?" "What is your name?" The visitor's eyes widened. "Oh. My name is Adam." "Okay."

I remember the question now! It was something like "Find the **pronoun**in the following sentence; 'After weeks of practice, Johnny had gotten better with his piano lesson.'" Adam read the command over and asked me, "What is a pronoun, kid?" He had a deep voice. "I do not remember, but it has to do with a noun, doesn't it?" I inquired.

"A pronoun is a word that takes the place of a noun. Like 'his' since 'his' takes place of 'Johnny's,'" He answered. "Okay." I scribbled my answer. He helped me with the rest of my stumping questions, and then he heated up a dinner in a package for me.

I was really hungry, so his quickly prepared meal in a package was good enough to subsist on. The meal had corn and pudding, among green beans, a hot pizza and other things. I was hungry enough to eat all of it. I got to know him over the time of that year. He babysat me more, helped me with school, and took me around the colony for fun.

He got me ice cream at one of the few ice cream places on the colony. Ice cream was three dollars and fifty cents per scoop, and in 1968, which was a lot! That would be five dollars a scoop now, no thanks to inflation. It was ice cream in space, though. It was not the last time I would see him. Unfortunately for me, it also was not the last time I would see the two men I feared as well...

The second time I met the two barbarians, they were not quite as hard on me as they were the first time we met. But it still scared me to death. This second time I met them dug up fears that I was struggling to cope with beforehand. I feared them. I was afraid for my life and safety ever since they broke my arm. I told my friends that when I got back in school. I felt forever threatened by them. I actually was threatened. The second encounter with the two men was not as scary as the first time, but that did not mean it was harmless.

They caught me when I was wandering about the colony, knocking me over after surprising me and leaving many bruises and insults. I cried that night. I had nightmares again, and the terrible dreams were not easy to get over. I was just frolicking around when they both jumped on me and crushed me with their weight. I am filled with appalling fear whenever they enter my mind.

I was standing one moment, only to feel a solid force push me off of my feet and into a solid steel wall. I screamed as my body collided with it. I was in a state of shock when I looked to my side and saw one of the men on top of me. I started to gasp in fear, but I was already down and vulnerable. The other man kicked my face and caused my mouth to bleed and my jaw to clap against the roof of my mouth. I was too stunned to respond, but then they started to beat me. "Project! I thought we took care of it! What is it doing walking around!?" The man that kicked me told his partner that pinned me down.

My heart sank and I sighed in panic as I realized what had happened. "No! Let me go! I did not do anything to you!" I protested. "Shut up!" The man that crushed me squeezed his hands around my neck, forcing me to struggle breathing. My head hurt and my heart pounded within my chest, my eyes widened and my ears folded back in my fear. "No! Please let me go!" I gasped for breath. The man strangling me lifted me up and held me like a doll in the air. Both of them laughed at my struggling to escape. "Do you, see that, Project? You are helpless! You are worthless!"

I choked as my head started to ache in tandem with my chest. I was losing my breath. I needed to escape somehow! The other man slammed his fist into my stomach, causing me to let out a gargled scream. Tears slipped down my eyes. "What is this? Look, Rick. The Project has tears in its eyes. The scientists that wasted their time on it made it look pretty real!" The man choking me dropped me, and I was so weak I collapsed on the floor and bruised my legs. I could feel warm beads of moisture roll down my muzzle as I started to sob.

I got up again to escape, but I was suddenly knocked down by a fist made of rocks. I screamed with what little breath I had left from the stranglehold. Terrible pain surged through my chest, and I realized where they had hit me. I was sobbing uncontrollably as my eyes blurred with a flood of tears. As my heart drowned in fright, a different feeling sparked to life inside of me. The feeling was hot. It burned me. My tears of pain became tears of rage.

My heartbeat slowed to a steady tempo and my breathing deepened. I could feel the fire of my anger burn my entire body, silencing my mind of the pain I felt. The feeling swelled into a blaze, and I stood up and caused the men to be startled. "What are you doing up? Get on the ground, you stupid little beast!" I glared at the man who insulted me. The red haired man was quick to knock me back down. Big mistake. Some instinct enveloped my heart with an energy that I had never felt before. The energy surrounding me was calling. I answered it.

My vision of grey and silver gained a red hue, and I felt energized. My body had strength in it. My heart was burning. I could actually _feel_ it burning. A dark aura started to envelop my tattered form, and I stood up. The air chilled and the two assaulters stared at me in disbelief. My bruised body started to heal itself. My blood-stained fur stopped aching, my mouth stopped bleeding, and my sores stopped hurting. I had controlled Chaos Energy for the first time.

In that instant, the man with brown hair pulled out a jackknife and hid it behind his back poised to defend himself. I could sense its presence somehow. The Chaos Energy told me it was there. With impulse I focused on the knife, and called it towards me. My body darkened and the air around me was chilled, causing my enemies to quake in fear.

The knife ripped itself out of the man's hand and glided to me in midair. I looked at its shiny blade and growled, and it slipped silently into my hand. The men were whimpering then, and I stared at both of them in disgust. "Leave me alone." My young voice was calm, too calm. My speech was weighted with a shade of darkness and anger.

The other man behind me got a wrench from his toolbox and struck at me. In a blazing instant, the seemingly swift moments of his attack slowed to a steady crawl. Time itself slowed down, and I turned to face him. His face was frozen in an expression of frustration and fear. My hands grasped his wrench long before it was about to hit me. Time sped up again.

My attacker stumbled and dropped the wrench into my grip. At first he was stunned, but it left him filled with terror. _Do not test me. _I lost rational thinking in a blind rage. _Attack them! Attack them now! Blast them!!_ I raised my right hand; the wrench was loosely grasped in my left. I felt a surge of energy gather in my heart and siphon itself into my hand. The light around us dimmed and a bright ball of flame erupted from my hand. The two men sprang out of the way, landing dully on the floor.

The fireball collided with a solid metal door, and it exploded. A white explosion erupted in a sphere and in an instant turned yellow, then orange, then red, and finally a cloud of black smoke. The air jolted my frame and the room with a shockwave that was incredibly loud thunder.

The air burned with a hot metallic smell. Through the cloud of black ashes, the door and the wall around it glowed red. The panel nearby was destroyed, and hot blue sparks leapt out of it in brief pops. _Lower the hand. Tell them to leave._ I had regained my composure, but I still was enveloped in black flames. I glared into the cowering forms of the two huge men, their confidence reduced to nothing. Their eyes filled with fear and widened to the size of saucers.

"Leave me alone," I repeated. The flames around me waned into nothing. The metal I stood on was frozen solid, as well as the jackknife. I glared at them with pure hatred. Both men got up and screamed, tripping over themselves as they scrambled for an escape. I stepped on the blade of the knife I had dropped, and it splintered into shards like it was a brittle tool made of glass. I saw my face in its broken reflection. My eyes were their normal rich, ruby-red color again, but there, deep within them, was darkness and loathing...


	10. The Violation

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter X

_The Violation_

_A.N. This chapter is my reason for the M rating. Some may ask "Why?"  
I want Shadow to be a fallen angel, to be as pure and kind as possible. The more pure the heart, the greater the burden needed to crush it...  
__I will not be held responsible for mental disturbance caused by this chapter. Therefore, I tell you this:  
_**Warning. This chapter contains graphic descriptions of sexual abuse.**

**

* * *

**

My mood drifted downwards after the most recent attack. My fear was no longer fear alone, it had grown. A seed of fear was planted in my heart. It started small, but it grew steadily and its somber form developed into anger. The seed depended on my suffering to feed its growth. Its roots chocked me, crushed me; the fragile flower that I was became overgrown by this sinister evil. The corruption eventually evolved into hate. Fear becomes Anger. Anger becomes Hate. The trouble of my life had started years before that, but the worst of it was still to come.

The door I burned with hatred was never replaced. The panel was left in its destroyed state. I do not remember where exactly the door is, but one who was to doubt that I ever was beaten can find it there, burned and black. The shards of the frozen knife are there too. The room is exactly as it was on that day. Even my blood is there, dried up in brown stains.

Adam was my new friend. I felt better when he showed up to take care of me. He did not show up very often, since my parents usually could manage to care for me. Yet a friendship grew between Adam and me. He cared for me. He helped me with trouble in school at times, he played with me, and we talked about different subjects and likes and dislikes. I trusted him. I believed in him and loved him. He was my friend.

On one night a year after I first met Adam, I was sleeping in my bed. The sleep I gained was not restless, but it also was not of great quality. The last thing I remember before waking up was the sleepy floating sensation of my body and the darkness of my room, only lit by a single nightlight out in the hallway...

I had a dream that had a feeling of emptiness. I only can remember it because I woke up in the middle of the dream. In this dream, I was lying on my back against a large flat stone. I could not move, but it did not seem very strange in the dream. I stared into a grey, rainy sky. Lightning occasionally flashed and thunder would bellow a moment afterwards. I could look around. My hands were spread out, pinned down by two large boulders. My feet were also wedged beneath another stone. Beyond me was nothing but a storming sky and an endless surface of cold rock.

When I awoke, I realized that I really was lying against something cold and hard. I was on a metal table in a brightly lit room of cold steel, and I was not alone. Three other people were there with me. The two men that broke my arm were there. Rick was there, with his brown hair and glaring eyes. The man with red hair was there. But someone I did not expect to see with them was there... Adam. _Adam? What are you doing?_ I spoke up reluctantly. "Adam? What are you doing? Help me get out of this place, I want to go home." I stopped when I noticed his eyes were dazed, as well as the two others.

The faint odor of alcohol lingered in the air. Adam replied with a slurring voice. He was drunk. "Nope, sorry." "Please let me out of here," I repeated, fear in my voice. "Project, we have to get something from you." It was the redhead that spoke. My hopes gradually decreased with each passing moment. Rick looked to his partner. "Get the whip, Jack," he said with a dark smile. I swallowed._ Whip? They have a whip?_ The thought repeated itself in my head. Jack pulled out a black coil of rubber, dangling it in his hand as he held it to my face. His breath had the strong, thick stench of alcohol on it.

My eyes widened. _They have a whip. They have a whip! They have a whip! _My heartbeat quickened and my mouth gaped open. Adam turned to leave the room that was my prison. I did not notice at first, but a brown bottle was dangling in his hand. Jack uncurled the whip and Rick cracked his knuckles. "This thing is going to pay for what it did to us," Jack said with malevolence. _Why should I pay? What did I do!? _My heart skipped a beat as cold chills crawled up my spine.

A loud splitting noise filled the air as something slapped my chest and left a sting. "Ow!!" I cried out in shock. I was whipped again. My skin burned from the whip's punishment. _Stop it!_ The whip struck a third time. I cringed and gritted my teeth. I cried out, "That hurts! Stop it! Stop it now!" My protest was received by cruel laughter. The whipping stopped. My ears perked up as my closed eyes opened in wonder. A blur of light became black as something hard hit my face. "Ahhh!" I screamed in fear. My face ached.

More laughter sounded out as I took deep breaths in panic. "Why are you laughing!? That hurts!" I protested ardently. "We want you to hurt, Project," was the answer when a blow to my stomach made me lose my breath. Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. "This evil beast will pay!" Jack yelled out. "Stop it! I am not evil! What did I do?" I asked with frightened voice. My eyes watered as I watched them through blurred vision, distorted by my tears. Jack slapped me in the face with force that caused my lip to bleed. Pain let a whimper out of my mouth. "Be quiet!" Rick bellowed as he punched my cheek. I screamed. "No!! Stop it!" I cried. Both of the brutes waited for me.

In rage, I gritted my teeth, clenched my fists and my heart ignited into an inferno of emotion. Dark flames flowed over my body as a draft caused wind in the room to flow around. Both of my captors had fear in their eyes. "Let. Me. Go." I said with anger. My command was met with the whip. The sting hurt my arm.

I cried out in anger and concentrated my rage. The flame of black around me turned red, casting a red light through the room. "Arghhh!" I pulled my arms up and sat up on the table, noticing that hot metal lingered in the air and the cuffs that once restrained me had melted, and some of the red-hot metal rolled off of my sore wrists. The afflicted wounds were fading away and I glared at Rick with hatred.

I stood on the table. Rick glanced in panic at the door. "Adam! He is loose!" he yelled in fear and the door opened. Adam had a thing that looked like a collar. He startled me, so Jack kicked my head and everything was black as I fell to the floor...

I woke up again, bothered by throbbing pain in my head. I was back in the room again. Rick, Jack, and Adam watched me. _I will not be beaten again! Not now!_ I focused on the familiar energy of Chaos to escape, knowing I was tied up again, but I lost control as a searing pain tore through my body. "Owww!!!" The men laughed. _What is going on! _I felt something on my neck. The collar was on me. "Project, you think you are so smart. You are stupid. We got a special collar for you if you start acting up," Rick boasted to me, and Jack and Adam laughed.

"Adam! Why are you letting them hurt me? Why?" The three men were still drunk. "Because, I want something from you," he replied. A fist slammed into my side and my body jolted under its impact. I cried out in shock. Another blow hit my face. My head lurched as my mouth started to bleed and my cheek was hurting. I started gasping in panic. I saw a glint of metal, and I focused to see it. "I got a shiny new wrench for you," Rick said with a chuckle. My heart sank as tears started to roll out of my eyes. A terrible blow struck my arm, causing pain to erupt from its strike.

"Ahhh!" I cried out. "Stop! STOP IT! STOP THIS NOW!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. More strikes hit me on my head. My brain ached brutally as it hit against my skull. "NOO!!!" Tears rained out of my eyes in a downpour. I tried to call on Chaos again, this time with determination. Pain soon started to join my wounds as the collar shocked me, but I persisted in an attempt to overwhelm it. The pain was too great! I screamed as the device shocked me! "AHHH!" I lost my energy. All three of the men laughed at my misery. I was exhausted and stopped struggling.

_What will they do now?_ I asked myself with the last part of my strength. My head, chest, and side throbbed harshly without relent. More tears fled my eyes. "Now we will have our fun," Rick said drunkenly. I heard the sound of zippers. I let out a sob. _Not that! NOT THAT!_ "NOO!!!!" My face was hit with a solid strike, causing my scream to end. I stared to the side of me blankly and saw Rick's waist. His penis was out. _This can't be..._ I thought tiredly.

Not a moment passed before his penis was in my face. I looked up at him with my flooded eyes. "I can't," I whispered as my ears folded back. "Suck it," he ordered. He made his erection prod my lips. I was too weary to fight back, so I licked his genital. He thrust it into my mouth, causing me to choke.

The end of his penis was in my throat. More tears dripped out of my eyes. My cheeks burned in shame as Rick moaned in pleasure. I waited several minutes as he pushed repeatedly into my throat. I could not breathe when his penis was in my throat, since I choked on him. After more thrusts, he sighed as a moist fluid squirted out of his penis, and it trickled down my cheeks, leaving a wet, whitish trail.

He pulled out. Jack was next. I was completely ashamed. _Why are they doing this to me? Why? Why? _Tears left wet stains on my muzzle as I opened my mouth for Jack's privates. My cheeks burned in humiliation. My self esteem was plunging directly into hell...

Adam was last. I thought he was my friend. He did not need my mouth. He took my pajamas off to access my bottom. _Adam... Why? Why? WHY??_ I started sobbing. The bastard betrayed me. Adam hurt me by using me when had I trusted him. Something thick prodded against my tail. I covered my bottom with my tail. I looked at Adam with tears in my reddened eyes and shame.

"Move your tail, brat," Adam warned. I sobbed quietly. I rasped in a whisper, "I can't." Adam growled and grabbed my tail with his hand and pinned it down as he sat on my knees. "Adam?" I whispered. Jack sighed in anger as Rick protested. "Shut up!" I shuddered at his remark. I have been tortured, beaten, and raped by two men. Now that would be three men... "Adam! Please don't do it!" I pleaded. My supposed friend ignored my plea and sobs.

He thrust in quickly. "OWWW!!!!" His penis ripped apart my insides. I sobbed as he pulled out and pushed back in. My insides ached intensely and I cried out in pain. The penetration lasted for eons. Adam thrust harder and harder, causing more hurt for my rectum and anus. I cried. My chest shuddered as my throat burned.

_WHY!!?_ "WHY!? ADAM!! THAT HURTS!! WHY!?" I sobbed. Adam thrust into me one final time. I felt something wet enter my body, and it burned the wounds inside of me. I cried out again. "OWWW!!!" He pulled out after he sighed in relief, and his penis was wet and red with blood... my blood. My face was burning in shame.

The three men then gathered around me. I wanted to hide! I wanted to scream! I wanted my heart to stop hurting! I wanted to die! But I could not. The men that raped me laughed. I continued sobbing and choked on my breath, writhing in fear. My heart was burning. My heart was not broken. It was crushed. It now was a pile of ashes that burned in pain and in ultimate shame...

_Why? Why did you rape me? Do you have any idea how humiliated I feel? Do you even care? _I was too overwhelmed to cry any more. I muttered softly as I closed my tearing eyes. "I hate you..." Would the statement change anything? I doubt it. Yet I did not care about changing the future. My life was over. My heart hurt with such an intensity, that if one was to carve it out of my chest and lay it onto a stone, the stone would melt as my heart burned through it! I would have welcomed the removal of my heart! I felt like my life was ruined! I wanted Death to take me in her cold arms and end my pain...


	11. Maria's Plea

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter XI

_Maria's Plea_

After I was ruined, I just watched them leave me there. _Are they leaving me here to die?_ I felt like a useless thing. I was used as a sex toy. _What does that say about me?_ Many of you know not what rape feels like, yet alone child rape. I sobbed. I screamed. I cried. I felt worthless. My throat burned. My body ached more with each shudder, each gasp for breath. I did not care about my body's complaints. I was raped, ravished, invaded, and corrupted...

It was my grandfather that found me. I was in a state of shock when he approached me. His face was red. I felt his hand rub my head. He cried out at someone outside. My father and mother rushed up to me and looked into my eyes. Grandpa mouthed something to my parents as he looked at my thighs. They both screamed. Mom grasped my face and rubbed my head, and I felt hot tears drip from her eyes onto my cheeks that were stained with my own tears. "Shadow! Shadow, say something!" Mom yelled desperately.

"I want to... g-go h-h-home," I whispered. Dad looked into my eyes. "Were you touched?" I closed my eyes, forcing tears out of them, and nodded. "Who?" Dad removed the cuffs off my wrists and picked my up, cradling me in his arms. "Three mechanics touched me. Rick, Jack, and..." "Who? Who, Shadow?" Dad repeated earnestly.

My lips quivered. "...Ah-Ad-Adam!" I cried out with a choked sob. His arms pressed me firmly against him, soothing my anxiety. "Hush, Shadow. I will take good care of you. You know that," Dad remarked as his voice broke. I stared into his eyes in understanding.

My body was sore, but the aches of my bruises and ripped skin hurt little compared to my heart. I felt as if someone had taken a dagger and thrust it through my sternum and pierced my heart. Adam did more than take my body's innocence; he used me when I trusted him. I do not know how exactly I should feel about him even these eight years later...

I was taken to the hospital. Pictures of my battered body and humiliated form were taken and put in a file to be locked away in hospital records. There a rape test kit was used to examine me. Samples were taken and I never saw them again.

I was at home in moments after the trip to the hospital. I was kidnapped for six hours. I decided to soothe myself with a hot shower. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, noticing how I was assaulted. My lip was cut. Bruises barely showed through my black fur on my forehead, chest, arms, and legs. The carpet was soft and felt gentle on my feet.

I turned around and squatted to look at my bottom. My buttocks still ached, and red stained them with blood. My anus was ripped in places, and it hurt a great deal to go to the bathroom. I sighed in despair and walked to the separate, small room where the toilet and bathtub were.

The feeling of hot water rolling through my fur was refreshing, and it soothed the bruises I had. I scrubbed my body with soap, trying to get the filthy semen out of my pelt. The soap burned my cuts. As I rinsed my bottom, I was crying. I could not see my tears in the shower, but my eyes burned and my heart ached as it sank into my stomach. I was raped Sunday morning. I decided to go to church anyway, in a vain attempt to ease my depression.

I was languid in church, and several people noticed. My friend at church wanted to help me. "I do not want to talk now," was my answer. _How could he possibly know how ashamed I am!?_ After Sunday-school and the sermon, the pastor called me to his office. I did not know why he did until I arrived later.

"Shadow, sit down, please," he said as I entered. I stared at him with empty eyes. "Shadow, I do not know why you are upset, but I have one thing I need to say." I licked my dry lips before speaking. "What is that?" "What ever has happened to you, it is not your fault." His reply caused my eyes to water. The pastor grabbed me by the shoulders gently.

"God does not hate you because of what has happened. Do not worry, He never gives us more than we can handle." His comment made me angry. The pastor noticed his final sentence was the wrong one to have said. _More than we can handle? More than we can handle!? How can you possibly know!? You do not even know what happened to me!_

My eyes narrowed and my youthful voice took on an unnaturally cold and embittered tone. I growled back in hate. "Your god must expect a great deal from thirteen year old boys!" I got up and left, with him startled by my angry remark.

That night my sister hugged me to her bosom and cradled me there. My eyes started to tear up, and she stroked my head. "Shadow, I am sorry. I have not been good to you these past few weeks." Her solemn voice was quiet. "I love you. You are my brother, and I will always be here for you."

My throat started burning as I replied. "I love you too, Maria." Maria kissed my forehead. "This is not your fault Shadow, it really isn't." Her voice was breaking. I embraced her back as tears fell out of my eyes. "I know." Finally my heart felt at peace...

Maria decided that she would spend more time with me. Her consolation helped me through the times of sorrow. She decided to spend less time with Jimmy, and have more time with me. The one time I saw Jimmy, it was once again hostile. I honestly doubted that we would ever get along even in the slightest way. He hated me more since Maria drifted away.

Maria approached me once to tell me about what she would do. "Shadow?" I was reading at the time to make the day pass faster, so I let it sit on my desk and glanced at her. "Yes, Maria," I answered. "I asked Jim to be nice to you, but..." I nodded. "Did you tell him about the time my arm was broken?" I inquired. "He said that he did not care if you were beaten, since you are just an experiment..." Maria trailed off and sighed.

I furrowed my brow in anger, and she noticed. "I am going to break up with him, Shadow." I was surprised by her statement. "You don't need to do that, Maria. Are you sure?" I watched her as I asked this. My sister nodded. "He does not care about what matters to me, Shadow. He never has," she explained. "But what matters to you, Maria?" She laughed. My eyes widened as she answered me and poked my nose. "You do!" I smiled with content, showing my teeth.

"Shadow," Maria started. "You have a beautiful smile. Your teeth are so perfect, so straight and white! Why? You never got braces." "I guess I got it from my father." I referred to my genetic father. The picture of him holding my sister in her youth has his smile, which is just like my own. "I am his twin image, after all."

_Yep. Same fur, same body, same quills, same teeth, same face, even the same name! Only my eyes are not the same as his. His eyes are a rich chocolate brown color; mine are crimson. I want to see him again, even if he is dead, along with his parents, his wife, and their two priceless children..._


	12. Quiet Years

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter XII

_Quiet Years_

No really traumatic events occurred after I was ravished. School was typical, my life was otherwise average. I had three years through high school. I had several girlfriends, but of course I liked some more than others. Most of the girls at school were too shallow, too silly and too immature for me to find appealing or worthwhile.

The ones that I liked were often already taken by some other guy. The girls I dated and did not like did not last long in any relationship, as I would not take their crap, since we would date no longer than a week. Some 'adults' never will grow up! If people acted their age, the world would be a much safer place.

Many of my girlfriends loved me simply because I was romantic and thoughtful. Many of them told me that their other boyfriends treated them with little thought or emotion, aside from selfish lust or cockiness; which is rather typical. I learned what kind of girl I would be looking for in a potential spouse. I learned that I had everything I needed to find one and keep her happy.

My freshmen year in high school was scary in some ways. I only knew a few people. I realized as years went on that there would be many people that I would never know. I did not understand why the seniors seemed so aloof, but as I started my junior year, I realized that they have already connected with other people and saw no point in connecting with the newer and younger freshmen.

I did not like some of my teachers, but I got along with most of them. There often are teachers that should not be teachers. Mrs. Keith was such a poor teacher. She taught my math class in ninth grade, and I was bothered in her class by endless assignments and homework and notes. Mark hated her also.

Mark and I helped each other. When I was out for a doctor's appointment, he would share his notes. When he was sick at home, I would help him with homework. Having him on my side made that year much easier.

Teachers I liked enjoyed teaching. They knew how to get the students interested in the lesson, and had fun doing it. Mrs. Brooks was my favorite teacher ever. I had her during my seventh, eighth, and eleventh years in school. She was there to care for me. When I was feeling down, she lifted me up with her enthusiasm. Even she did not know about every time I was assaulted...

Nightmares were and still are a plague. I just tried to ignore them and get on with my life, but they will never, ever go away and leave me. The torment they bring often intensifies or fades, depending on how content I am, or stressed, or lonely, or whatever. I also do not know about the red fur I gained after being grabbed by the alien leader, whether or not it will leave me or how to rid myself of its glaring color.

My nightmares were rather tame for several years after I encountered Adam for the last time. The deploring gloom they are was buried under my happiness and contentment, only to resurface before a certain day...

I considered dying my read streaks black, and was quick to aspire in it. I got my hair dyed, but it stayed black for a matter of months before it turned red at the roots once again. I simply dyed it again. Having my black fur again made me feel more confident; it was helping me forget about the leader I would soon know as Black Doom. But the dye was only a mask. I wish to rid myself of it for good!

I look _just_ like my dad. When I was little, I did not have a bib of white fluff on my chest. My extra fluff sprouted out when I was fourteen, starting small and growing larger. My girlfriends called me "Fuzzy" because they said I am warm and fluffy. Maria said that about Shadow when she met him and I was just one year old.

In spite of all I had experienced, my life was just beginning...


	13. Doubt

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter XIII

_Doubt_

* * *

My junior year in high school had started. I was filled with disdain as I thought about the enigmatic disaster my life was developing into. My dormant nightmares resurfaced and persevered, causing me great sorrow. I would not be disencumbered from its burden for a long time.

Granddad started teaching me about Chaos Energy. I had controlled it before. Yet it was through him that I learned the two basic functions, and one of those a function that helped me the most and still does. I was taught how to use "Chaos Spear" and "Chaos Control". Chaos Spear was nothing really new. I already tried to incinerate two of the men that assaulted me. For some reason, and I do not know why, my attacks are yellow. I thought red was more appropriate for it matches my color, or at least my eyes. Chaos Control was more interesting.

One typical Saturday, my grandfather, Gerald Robotnik, called me to arrive in a secret laboratory near the ARK's core. There he showed me a Chaos Crystal. The energy in my heart was enhanced by the crystal, making my attacks and harnessing more efficient. I cannot describe exactly how the Chaos Control works, but I know what I did.

There as I held the red Chaos Ruby in my hand, I focused on its energy and the energy in my soul. I then moved the energy of my heart to a different location in a nearby room. In a flash of light, I was thrown through space and onto the spot I had focused. It was startling, and I felt uneasy in my stomach afterwards. It also was shocking, obviously. I liked it!

I had one question about the technique, or more specifically, the grammar behind the technique. As grandpa stared at my eyes through his thick glasses I said reluctantly, "Why is this warping jump named after an oxymoron?" My grandfather was in stupor for a minute, then he rubbed his thick moustache and simply shrugged. _I mean come on! Chaos? Control? Chaos is the absence of control!!_

* * *

I became overwhelmed with guilt. After enduring the abuse I did, I felt like I was to blame. I became emotionally unsound, at times having these... tantrums where I would be close to hurting someone else or myself. My control of Chaos made it worse. I recall this single time I felt so depressed. It was after I launched a Chaos Spear at some insignificant fool that had stated my sister was wasting her life on me. I nearly shot a Spear at him, but I was startled and missed as a guard jumped on top of me.

I was ashamed by what I did. I was placed in an empty room to cool off, and the first person to approach me was Maria. She was guarded by soldiers that had loaded weapons trained on me as she approached me. The guards lingered there and I felt tense, unable to relax and talk to my favorite sister. She turned and glared at them, but they hesitated. "Leave us alone, now." Her voice was firm, and so they left.

"Shadow," she started as she turned to me. "You know this is not your fault." "Yes it is," I said solemnly. "I shot the Spear, I had the fit, and it _is _my fault." My eyes stared down, reflecting my self-esteem. "But you know what you have been through," she protested. "That is no excuse." Tears filled my eyes. "Why am I here? I cause so much trouble! I cause pain! It is like I should not be here at all..." I mused. Maria stared at me in surprise, startled by my negative attitude. "I cause trouble. I hate myself..." My ears folded out in shame. Maria gasped in shock.

"Shadow! Do not say that!" I ignored her. I felt my face burn after a hand slapped me. In surprise, I let tears fall from my eyes. I touched where she struck me with my fingers. I turned to face her, an expression of shock on my face. "Listen to me! Do not ever hate yourself! You are far more caring and kind than you believe you are! Don't ever give up!" Her eyes had fire in them. She had pretty eyes. I clung onto her with tears burning my eyes. I felt her arms firmly wrap around me. "I love you, Shadow," she spoke softly as her embrace tightened. I closed my eyes in fear. "I know. I love you too, Maria..."

* * *

My nightmares returned with vengeance. They came back before I shot a Spear at this fool. The dreams about the beating I had earlier was extended, replaced with an even crueler incubus. I had these nightmares every single night without fail.

_I was again in darkness. I saw a door of light that floated away, and I chased it. But it is after that my dream deviates. __I opened my eyes, or at least I thought I did. I saw nothing. Black. Darkness. A void. I tried vainly to look around, only to see nothing. It was as if my eyes were still closed. An area before me was shining in the darkness. Desperately, I stood up and rushed to the doorway to escape, but the door stayed still. I got not an inch closer to it, so I ran faster. On the other side of the door, I saw light. The light was peaceful, and I wanted it so badly. My lungs pumped air into my body as I continued running._

_The door hovered just meters ahead of me, mocking my feeble efforts as it stayed out of reach. Soon the gate of light started to drift away, so I panicked and sprinted for it. I could feel wind gust through my fur and my feet shuffle rapidly, but the door drifted farther and farther from me. I tripped as the door became a speck of light in the darkness. I felt my body jolt as I flopped onto the invisible ground beneath me._

_As I staggered back up, I saw three red eyes. My breath froze. The eyes loomed over me as I trembled in fear. The eyes smashed into me and knocked me down as I cried out. I looked back at the light, only to discover that it was gone. What do I do now? How will I escape? The three eyes stared at me as two more large shadows appeared. I fell down under the impact of something one of the shadows was holding as my mind filled with terror. Something else slammed into me and I flew through the darkness._

_I screamed. Laughing seemed to echo in the void of black. I tried to scream again, only to realize that I could not. I then heard the two men talking. "You are that experiment, aren't ya? The artificial life form, that is you?" I started to cry in a torrent of tears. "This thing is a demon! It is evil!" "I am not evil..." I said back softly. _

_"Yes you are!!" The voices snapped fiercely. "Get ready for a fixing, Project!" I emitted a shuddering sob. "You are useless, little monster, nothing good will ever come from you." "No one cares about you, Project! No one likes you!" I shrieked as I was struck by one of the shadows._

_My heart filled with terror. I could not feel physical pain because I was dreaming, but my heart alone ached with agony. I sobbed as the voices composed more insults. "Worthless!" "Pathetic!" "Stupid!" The colonel's voice sounded out. "This thing is stupid, it will not talk." I shuddered with each sob from my chest and gave up to the voices and fears I felt. "I am sorry," I whispered to the haunting echoes. _

_The voices of the colonel, the two men, and Black Doom bellowed in chorus. "Do us all a favor and die!" I realized that I could not breathe. In panic, I clutched my throat and tried to gasp, only to find that I could not. "Do us all a favor and DIE!!!"_

_Tears rolled off my face and down my chest as I fell down on my face, still fighting for life. I choked as I heard the voices again. "DO US ALL A FAVOR AND DIE!!!!!" I could feel warmth leaving my body as my heart grew cold. I heard someone speak one last time. "You are useless, little monster. Nothing good will ever come from you." The seemingly impossibly dark gloom became even darker as I heard my heartbeat slow to a stop... "Do us all a favor and die..."_

_After I had fallen and cried as the voices of hatred cursed me, I was paralyzed. I could not move. I struggled against this imagined chain that held me firmly in my place. My heart was devastated as I heard Adam say coldly, "I want something from you." I cried out in shame and embarrassment as he raped me. Tears flooded out of my eyes in a cascade as I could not gather my breath. After I was ravished the voices of three men, not two men, laughed at me. I wanted to get away. I was terrified; my heart raced as my breathing was in shallow gasping fits._

_I was ashamed. I wanted to hide. I wanted to hide the abomination I am far from everyone around me. I was a burden, a pathetic wretch that had nothing of value, a worthless punching bag and a sex toy. I was just a puppet! I was of the same importance to others as an object! I felt that I am not worthy of being considered a person!_

I would wake from the dreams in shivering chills. Sweat dripped on my fur and quills as tears stained my cheeks and my nose was stuffed with leftover tears. I would stay in the darkness of my room and silently cry. I hated myself. Maria could no longer sooth me. My heart was going numb, numb yet forever condemned with agony. Just as the body becomes numb of a constant pain, or more used to it, my heart became numb of the pain it felt. But having a heart without any real feeling actually hurts worse in the end...


	14. The Massacre

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter XIV

_The Massacre_

* * *

20 December, 1971 is the final day of my life as I once knew. Christmas was around the corner, and I could not wait for that morning. My dear sister had applied for college on Earth, and she was accepted for a summer term. I remember her excitement. That summer would be her first days outside the colony and into the real world.

I was glad for her, but, also in a way, jealous. I was stuck on the ARK. I was stuck in a high school with my own friends as well as strangers and dimwits that I hated and could not avoid. I craved freedom. I was ready to get out of that fishbowl and leap into the ocean!

During the Christmas break, I met my biological father. I was shocked by my similarities to him, and how I got along with him really well. I had no affectations or intentions to impress him or his family. I was just... me. I seemed to beguile them, and they liked me. I felt exhilarated by their fondness, as it was sincere and simple.

Christmas break was just some week on some month every year. Every single day on the colony was the same! Same black sky, same weather -which was literally nothing at all- and no seasons. The lack of seasons was something I did not miss until I learned about the Earth and how great it seemed.

After I went to Earth with my family, I dreamed about how the seasons would feel and what would happen to the nature, people, and weather as the seasons transformed. I wanted to enjoy just one year on the Earth! Just one year was all I wanted! I wanted deeply to share its marvelous colors and changes with my family. I was told that after the end of that school year, my family would move to Earth. I was thrilled to death!

I was just staying at home all day, sleeping ceaselessly to answer my fatigue. I worried about it not, I was just growing up. One day, Grandpa told my parents that they would be expecting company soon. I had no idea about who would be visiting. Who came to the colony was a big surprise.

Grandpa had gathered all of us in the living room as we waited for the sojourned group. Maria reclined in the chair, Mom and Dad sat in the sofa. We bought a new chair and added it to the family room. I did not know all of the seats would be full, since there were enough seats for ten people.

I was wearing a buttoned shirt with a collar and blue jeans, to not look so casual. Maria was boasting a new dress. I didn't have any idea why Grandfather was so eager for us to meet the visitors. I was the first to see the face of any of the travelers, and I thought the face I saw was my own.

My grandpa opened the door and out in the hallway my complete reflection stood. I found myself looking at a hedgehog that was slightly taller than me and had black fur and curved up quills. There were two other differences aside from height. The reflection had completely black quills, and it had rich, chocolaty brown eyes.

My mouth was agape for a brief moment before I held out my hand, surprised to receive the warm hand of the man in front of me. The man spoke up with a pleasant, deep voice. "Hi, kid!" I was speechless. "..." "You do not need to say squat. I know how surprised you are!" The man chuckled. I finally found my voice. "Who..." I trailed off, losing my thought as I looked him over. "Am I?" The man finished my question. "Shadow, I am your father."

I was stumped, and embraced him warmly. He retuned my affection. I felt so awkward. I quickly invited him into the room, noticing that waiting behind him were seven other people. One was his age. There was a beautiful hedgehog woman, with golden fur and quills and deep blue eyes wearing a complementing dress, and she was followed by two teenagers. Behind her were two couples somewhat younger than my grandpa and looked like the man and woman in front of them. I followed the family into the meeting room and waited for someone else to speak.

The guests seated themselves. Mom and Dad sat together, the man and pretty female sat next to my parents, Grandpa sat in a chair, and the two older couples sat in the other sofa. Maria, the teenaged boy and I stood. The teenagedgirl appreciated me giving her my seat. It was my legal father who spoke.

"Well, how are you doing, Shadow?" I was about to answer, when my proclaimed father responded. "I am wrestling with two teenagers! How are you?" The two teenagers responded. The first teenager, a pretty girl with black fur and her mother's beautiful eyes, blushed lightly. Her brother rolled his eyes. "I saw that, you stinker! I know more than you might think I do, Roy Hedgehog!" The man said confidently. The brother replied. "Shoot! I guess so, Dad." Roy's eyes widened as he acknowledged his father. Roy had his mother's fur and his father's brown eyes. My own parents and my other father and his wife laughed heartily.

"Shadow?" Both the man that looked like me and I faced the beautiful hedgehog woman. "Not you honey, the boy." She was addressing me. I focused on her. "Please stand in front of me, where I can see you better." I hesitantly walked up to her and was absorbed in her eyes. She giggled and stroked my head. Her touch startled me and my eyes widened.

"You are so cute!" She cooed as a delicate hand fondled my quills. I blushed and my heart skipped a beat. Shadow laughed as he watched me. "Um, excuse me?" I asked quietly. "What is it sweetie?" I could not stop watching her eyes. I blinked and glanced at her mouth and then back at her eyes. "Watch out, kid! She might slap you!" Shadow joked. I grinned sheepishly for my staring. "I am sorry that I am staring," I apologized as I took a step back. "But you have lovely eyes." I covered my mouth with my hand and blushed in embarrassment._ Crap! What are you thinking? Stupid!_

The woman smiled softly. "Thank you," she replied. "I said that too, kid, and I got stuck with her!" The woman playfully swatted at her husband, and they both laughed. "Are these other people your parents?" I asked reluctantly. "Yes. The guy with grey fur and brown eyes is my dad's dad," the girl with equally stunning eyes replied. "Dad's mother is the lady with tan fur and brown eyes. My Mom's mom is the lady with fur like Mom's and green eyes. Her dad has the light blue eyes and blue fur."

I looked at the girl. "I am Alison. Nice to meet you," she kindly held out her hand and I gently took it in my own. I blushed red as a tomato! "You are shy, like my dad," she said with a grin. "No surprises there. You are exactly like me, well almost," Shadow said as he placed an arm around his wife, causing her to smile again and blush.

I was silent. "Is something wrong?" Her eyes were drowning me with their depth. "I am fine. I am just stunned..." I trailed off. "Why is that?" She asked. I could not speak, but I still could give her a soft grin. I recovered my voice after a minute. "You are gorgeous," I stated simply. My cheeks burned and I swallowed. "Thank you," she said back to me with a smile of her own._ Wow! She is as beautiful as her mom! I like her. She is nice and sweet. _

"Shadow," my grandfather said as he cleared his throat. "You know what kind of girls to look for now. Just look for some girl like Alison or Katie." I noticed my own parents were quietly laughing as they held hands. "Would you date me if I lived here on this prison?" Alison asked. "Uh, err, I d-do l-like you, but I do not know; we are closely related." Her parents chuckled at my stuttering. _That is right, we are related. But damn! She is hot!_

The grandparents left for a nearby room, and we waved goodbye. I sat next to Maria. Alison sat on the other side of me and Roy took her former seat. After I met Alison, Shadow spoke to me. "Good grief! You look just like me!" he shouted. "I stared at you because at first I thought I was staring at a mirror," I explained. "Hah. I can't blame you." "You are my brother's dad? You are more outgoing than he is," Maria stated. "Because I am older, and I have my wife with me," Shadow remarked. Katie giggled again as Shadow held her hand. I silently agreed.

Shadow talked to Maria. "Maria, how are you doing?" "I am excited." "Why?" Shadow asked. "I got accepted to college," Maria said with joy. "Do you remember when we first met?" Maria paused. "I barely remember you. I said you were cuddly. You really are," Maria said. Shadow smirked. "I see you do remember. Your brother does not, he was only one year old," he stated, and I listened. Shadow looked at me. "Speaking of cuddly," he started saying as he stood up and walked up to me. I watched his eyes.

He unbuttoned his shirt, and there was a white tuft of fluff on his heart. "Do you have a bib of fur like I do?" The man waited for me. I unbuttoned my shirt and showed him the plush tuft on my chest. "I am just like you. Two peas in a pod," Shadow concluded as he rubbed my fur with his thumb. I was startled by his touch. "Fluffy and soft. It feels different to rub your fur, because I cannot feel what you feel." _Like tickling,_ I thought. _It is hard to tickle yourself._

"What is up with the red highlights? You are not supposed to have those," Shadow wondered as he watched my quills and glanced at my arms curiously. He buttoned up his shirt. I buttoned up mine. "We know that, Shadow," Grandpa answered. "He got them in an accident. It could have been worse." "Can you fix them?" I sighed. "No, grandfather cannot do anything. When he tried transplanting my black fur to my red streaks, my black hairs turned red! All I can do is dye the red fur black," I answered as I pointed at my quills.

"Do you always wear clothes?" I was caught off guard by that final question. "Um, I do not wear clothes sometimes, when it is too warm or I feel like it, but I prefer to." Shadow's chocolate-brown eyes glanced over my pants. "Why do you do that?" I shrugged. "I am raised that way. Besides, I fell more modest and comfortable in clothes," I replied. "Same with me buddy," Shadow agreed with a smile.

Dad spoke up in a serious tone. "Two things about furries that I envy..." Shadow, Katie, Alison, Roy and I stared at him, as well as everyone else. "One: boys generally can be nude without scaring people to death." All of us laughed briefly. "Two: furry women do not need to shave." We all laughed. Mom looked at him with a sneer.

"Christina used my razor on her legs, and I tried to use it on my face. I did not know she had used it!" Dad rubbed his face gingerly and winced. All of us laughed hysterically. Even Alison and Roy laughed, because all of us knew what he was talking about! Christina slapped him after his comment. "Ow! I shaved! And my face hurts! Your legs don't have hairs, they have _quills_!" Dad yelled. Another wave of uproarious laughter filled the room!

* * *

The family stayed with us. Shadow and Katie got the guest room in our house, and Alison was with my sister. Roy was with me. We went out to eat that night. Restaurants were all over the colony, serving anything from chicken noodle soup to caviar. We picked an Italian place. My dad loved Italian food, and I was liked it. After the whole party of eight people was seated, we ordered drinks and waited for the meal order. Shadow ordered wine to share with his wife, and poured her a glass.

"What? No champagne?" My dad joked with a chuckle. "No! That stuff is terrible!" Shadow stuck a tongue out in disgust. They both laughed, their wives laughed, and Maria and I did also. _Champagne? Yeah, I tried that junk at a wedding reception! _Alison and Roy both shrugged. "Why are you laughing?" Roy asked before sipping his soda. "Champagne!" Shadow repeated and laughed with my Dad. I turned to him and replied, "Do not worry about champagne. It is a very terrible wine." "At first other wines tasted the same to me, but I grew up and found they are different." Shadow had a small sip of his glass.

"Remember to always drink in moderation," Shadow said after he put his glass down. "God does not like drunks much," he added. "How do you know?" Alison asked him. "Read Proverbs 20:1. 'Wine is a mocker and liquor a brawler. Whoever is misled by them is not wise,'" Katie remarked. Shadow backed her up. "Drinking slows reflexes, distorts senses, and impairs judgement. What bothers me is when people get drunk and hurt others." I frowned for a moment. _Drunks raped me... _Maria put her hand on my shoulder and tried to cheer me up. "Shadow, do not let that thought get you down! Have fun!" I sighed. "You are right, Maria," I admitted.

I asked Roy a question about Alice quietly. "Hey, Roy." He faced me and waited. "How old are you?" "I am thirteen. Alice is fifteen." "Do you get along fine?" "Sure we do, but I love to tease her," Roy stated as he scratched his head. I grinned. "I tease Maria, too," I boasted. Alison's voice cut in. "What are you two doing? Are you talking about me?" Roy faced her with a smirk. "Maybe," he said with sly eyes. Alison scowled. "Take it easy, Alison! I am kidding!" He said in defense.

I caught a whiff of parmesan and oregano. The waiter came with a large tray for all of our orders and I looked at mine. "Good, I am hungry!" Shadow and I chimed. His statement matched my own exactly. We were silent as we stared at each other, and then everyone laughed. I got a shrimp and parmesan pasta dish. It smelled so good! I enjoyed my meal greatly. We went home and played board games, and then we just talked.

We all sat in the living room and talked. Nothing else happened. Dad always told me that when he was a boy his family would always just take time out of their day to talk about anything and everything. The socializing was becoming a rarity. It is almost gone now. I hope to bequeath that bit of the past on with me, in this world of text messages and e-mail.

"Gee, it is pretty up here, I can see every continent on Earth at one time," Shadow remarked. "It is nice, but it gets boring really fast," I said with a sigh. "No weather, no seasons, no grass or trees or mountains or anything up here," Maria said with distant eyes.

"Why don't you get out of here, guys?" Shadow was talking to my Dad. "We actually are getting off this tuna can next summer," Dad replied. "I can't wait. The kids are about to explode. Forget waiting!" Maria and I smiled. It is hard to embellish a space colony, no matter how advanced the technology is. Technology is not nature. The colony is absolute ennui, it is boredom, constant and without change. It does not appeal to me much. "I would hate it up here! After a while, I mean," Roy said. "The technology here is amazing, but... you know." I agreed. "Yes, Roy. I do know what you mean," I answered.

"Don't you ever feel trapped?" Alison asked me. Her eyes were lambent in the glow of the lamp. I was dazed by her beautiful eyes, jet black quills and sexy frame. "I feel worse than trapped. I feel crippled," I responded. I would not date Alison, but I would later find a girl that I dare say is just as pretty as she was, if not even more. Her eyes dimmed as she considered my metaphor. Mom and Dad noticed how much I hated the ARK. I still hate it.

* * *

We were off to bed by eleven at night. Roy was in my bed, and I was in a sleeping bag on the floor. "Roy," I said as I ruffled my pillow. "Yes, Shadow?" "Your sister is so hot and beautiful." I did not yell because I wanted to avoid bothering anyone. "I know. She likes you." "She does?" "Of course! She acts like she does when she likes someone. Then again, you hardly know her," Roy realized. "I like you too, Shadow."

"Why?" I asked him. "The same reason my sister likes you. You are nice. You are thoughtful. Too bad you are related to me and my sister." I sighed. "I know. Even so, we can still be friends." I considered my response again in my mind. "Yeah, I guess so," Roy stretched. "By the way, why did you look so sad in the restaurant?" "What?" I looked up at him. "After Dad had that statement about drunks, why were you so sad? You looked so depressed for a minute." He lay down on my bed and stared down at me. "I don't want to say. Some drunken men hurt me years ago." My mind darkened.

"What did they do?" Tears filled my eyes. "I do not want to talk about it," I repeated. "Okay, I am sorry for pestering you." Roy flopped on the bed and stilled. "They... molested me." Roy gasped and stared at me. "No way!" He whispered his shock, but the words still hurt me. Tears trickled down my cheeks. My eyes burned with hate.

Roy got off the bed and hugged me. "I am sorry. I did not know..." "That is alright. Few people know." His firm hug soothed my pain. "I am sorry, Shadow. Really, I am," he whispered. I hugged him back in fear."They raped me five years ago, and it still hurts. My heart hurts. They beat me, and they broke my arm before that." Roy gripped my tighter. "I sincerely hate them. I feel alone, alien, strange." "Shhhh," Roy shushed me. His warmth soothed me.

An alarm blared off, causing both of us to jump. My parents and Roy's parents were up and they opened the door. "Get up! Get up! We need to get out of here!" Dad's voice was urgent. "I will go get Alice. Honey, stay with Roy and Shadow," Shadow said as he ran off. We all left the house and wandered into the hallway. Shadow looked his family in the eyes.

"Stay with them, I need to get my parents." Alison objected. "We stay together." Shadow looked at her. "Okay. Do not leave me, then." They all went in to find the grandparents. Other people were busy rushing to the safety zones. The red lights and siren were scary. Without warning, guards armed with machine guns and pistols stormed through the hallway. They smashed down the door where my new friends were and rushed inside. "It is him men! Shoot him!" A guard ordered. A girl screamed. My blood curdled as my quills stood on end.

A barrage of loud bangs was heard. "SHADOW!!" It was Katie. More shots were fired. Silence was in the nearby room._ Oh no! They are dead! They are dead!_ My family and I had no time to weep. We ran. We ran past the room to the escape, and I did the worst thing I could. I looked in the room. Shadow and Katie were slumped on the floor; the beige carpet was stained scarlet. Their children lay still, and their grandparents were in a corner. Time froze for a moment. The whole family, three generations of innocent, loving people, was coldly murdered before my eyes, blood everywhere. _They are gone._

I was too scared to scream. I remem ber the bastards that shot them, with their helmets and visors, their uniforms. The three letters were on top of emblems. GUN. Time sped up again. My heartbeat was at a quick pace again. A voice crackled on their radio. "Destroy anything related to Project: Shadow!" Mom and Dad were the next to go. Three shots were fired, and I was frozen in terror. My mom and dad fell over, large holes in their chests. Maria screamed. I grabbed her arm and ran as tears of despair dripped out of my eyes.

Running. Panting. That is all I remember after that. Maria was behind me. We sprinted for the escape room through bleak halls of steel. My feet clacked against the floor as we rushed. "Shadow, I do not think I can make it." Maria was panting. "We are almost there, hold on," I assured. "Don't let them escape!" A voice shouted behind us.

Maria stared absently at a console in the room that controlled escape pods. She started typing buttons. "Shadow, get in the escape pod." I shuddered and walked up to a seat that had a safety harness and buckled up. The seat was suddenly enclosed, and I was trapped. "Maria!" Guards walked up to her, guns at the ready. I could barely hear them through the capsule. "Stop the capsule, or we will shoot." Maria did not flinch.

"MARIA!!! DO WHAT THEY SAY!!!" Maria pushed a button to launch me. A thud was heard. My sister fell to the floor, crimson stained her nightgown. I choked on my breath. "Maria." Maria faced me as she pushed her chest off the floor, looking directly at me as tears left her eyes. "Shadow. I beg of you please, do it for me; for a better future… for all the people who live on that planet. Give them a chance to be happy. Let them live for their dreams, Shadow. I know you can do it. That's the reason that you were brought into this world. Sayonara, Shadow the Hedgehog."

My sister moved never again. Her face stared lifelessly at me, her lifeless eyes drilled into my heart. Time froze and colors turned grey. In shock I stared at her eyes as blood pooled on the floor. That moment seemed to last several minutes, but I only saw the body for a few seconds. "Maria!!" The capsule I was trapped in launched me into space. "MARIA!!!!!!!!!!!!" My body pulled as the capsule dropped down and into the vacuum of space.

I was still within the ARK's generated gravity field. I stared absently at the stars around me. _My family is gone. _I screamed. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" My vision blurred with tears, my heart was crushed. "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" Painful sobs ripped my throat open. I sobbed as the blue marble below me neared. Moisture dripped out of my nose as a shower of tears flowed down my face. My throat burned harshly. I ignored it and kept on screaming. "NOOOOOO!!!!!" My chest felt like it was on fire inside. My heart was on fire. It was burning with paralyzing pain.

"WHYY!!!! N-n-no! The-they are d-d-dead! I-I c-can't! I-I c-can't d-do th-the-this!" A torrent of tears soaked the fur of my lap. "The-they are d-d-dead! I-I c-can't! I-I c-can't d-do th-the-this!" I sobbed. "N-n-no. C-c-come b-b-back. C-come b-back." I sighed in grief. I screamed in despair. "COME BACK!!! COME BACK!!! C-come back." My ragged sob was blocked by a cough of my sore lungs. My carmine eyes were made even more red by my crying. I added one final mourning stanza to my song of death. **"COME BACK!!!!!!!"**

My tears continued long after I cried my heart out. I was exhausted. My body was languid. My heart was slamming, pounding against my ribs. My throat felt as if barbed wire was digging against it, sore from my crying.

This time, no one is there. I screamed, I cried, I shuddered, and I sobbed. No one was there. No one was there for me. I am alone. My heart was gone, left behind and shattered on the very same colony that I will forever hate...


	15. Rock Bottom

**Shadow's First Life**

Chapter XV

_Rock Bottom_

* * *

I feared nothing. Quite basically, I had nothing to fear. I could not lose anything. I had nothing. That is a fact that I now grimace upon as I recall what happened after I landed. I was stuck in a hot capsule that was stuck somewhere in the middle of the ocean, floating there. I expected to die right there. I later wished I did. Yet now, I am glad that I lived. My life had only recently begun... I floated in my seat for hours. I considered what my sister asked of me in her dying moment. I was so shocked. I could only remember pieces of her request. If I had not taken that promise, I would have committed suicide. You would never know of me, unless by chance the atrocities of GUN are exposed, and even then the brutal slaying may be one crime of many. I would have never known that the men that beat me and violated me were protected by GUN. I know that if I had killed myself, I would have a chance of going to heaven, but since I killed myself I could be condemned. But that is if. This is now.

A helicopter approached me and two men pulled me out of the water, tied my hands and put me in the cargo hold. I did not know where I was going. I was taken to Prison Island. There I saw the faces of people that I sincerely and completely hate. People say that they hate this, they hate that, they hate them, they hate him, and they hate her. They do not know _Hate_! My Hate was _pure_, _unadulterated_, _untainted_, and _final_. Most people do not know what true _Hate_ is.

* * *

After I was left in a gloomy jail cell, I waited. My body complained constantly. I was starving. I was thirsty. I could see my own ribs. I stopped urinating I was so desiccated. I saw the colonel that locked me up when I was only five years old. He said that my life was over. He stood there in the doorway of my cave, sneering at me. My eyes showed no emotion. "Project! I told you before, and I will tell you again. You are mine! You have nothing! The fools that loved you are dead. You have no purpose but to serve me." I ignored his worthless talk. When he figured it out, he tortured me. He cut me. He beat me. He choked me. He broke my bones! It hurt immensely, but I still had no real fear. He could not bring me much lower. I wanted only to fulfill my promise, but what was the promise? One day I was told what it was...

One day in that hell, I was tied up again, sitting in a corner after the colonel raped me once. I remember when he tied me down and raped me. The bastard urinated on me before he had an erection and ripped me apart. He urinated into my mouth as Adam restrained me and held my mouth open. I was their sex toy. They burned me with cigarettes. My heart was gone, no longer a part of me. My heart was weighted with impossible sorrow and pain. I left it behind me so that I could move forward. I was told what the promise was.

I was left in a room with a screen that activated on its own. I ignored the screen until I heard a familiar voice. "Shadow." It was my grandfather. "Shadow. Listen to me." I turned my weary eyes to face him. "You know what these imbeciles have done! You know what they do! You know as I do what they deserve." His venerable demeanor was replaced with a crazed thirst for vengeance. "Grandpa?" I asked. My voice was cool, collected. "Yes, son." His name for me reminded me of what I was one time. "Maria made me promise something to her when she died. I cannot remember what it was." "Shadow! She wanted revenge! We can get it for her."

_Revenge? That is not her at all! Is it? They killed that family, and they killed our parents. Could she have asked for revenge?_ I remembered the parts of her promise. _Shadow, I beg of you..., for everyone on that planet. I know you can do it. Sayonara, Shadow the Hedgehog. _I looked at the image of my beloved grandfather in understanding. I knew what she wanted. I was determined to get it for her. _The human race in its entirety shall pay with their lives for my heart, for the death of my friends, my family, my virginity, and for the innocent family I was related to. Grandfather can take care of it. He will make a plan. I will support it without fail, for my life is of no value. Prepare to die, you treacherous race! I may be a person, but you deny it. I don't care. You will regret this!_

**_The End_**

* * *


End file.
